#FOGEY
So I’ve gone and done it
In my mid 30s
Finally down with the kids
Does anyone say that anymore?
‘Down with the kids’?
Or are there now phrases I’ve never heard before
Like
‘Hangin’ by the dongle’
Or
‘On the half-banana’
Or
‘Fully Helsinki’?
Anyway, I’ve done it
Joined TikTok
And I’ve no clue what to do now
Colourful things are flying at me from all sides
I’m hearing all kinds of unfamiliar noises
And I feel like I’ve entered some kind of alternative reality
A reality that has propelled itself forward with jetpacks while I wasn’t looking
While I wasn’t even aware
While I wasn’t even aware that I wasn’t even aware
And it all feels…
Weird
And suddenly I think I understand
What Old People mean
When they talk of what things were like in ‘their day’
And how their neighbourhoods are different from when they were little
And how the buses have changed
And the supermarkets have changed
And you can’t pay for things in cash anymore
And there are more than four channels
I understand now how the things I take for granted
Are alien to those who came before me
Those who now feel like they’re barely hanging on
Because that’s how I feel now
In the land of the TikTok
The land of zaps and zooms and flashes and colours
And I tell myself I’ll try to swim
I promise I will
I’ve dipped the tip of my toe in this weird kaleidoscopic sea
And I will soon try to swim
When I next open the app
Whenever that may be
