For lots more exciting info about me, please go to my main home -

Friday 19 February 2016


I wake up in a bumble
As I tumble out of bed
Then I mumble as I fumble
With the jumble in my head
I get myself all decked out
In my finest dressing gown
Count the seconds til I check out
And step out and on the town

I long to chuck the toady odes
And feel myself take flight
Cos I’m a poet by day –
Accountant by night.

I work the nine-to-fives
Finding ballads really cumbersome
I really come alive
When I can get all hot and numbersome
Cos every working day
I’m bustin stanzas to the maximum
I’ll axe the work for play
Put on my slacks and do a tax return

I love to hit the office
And party til it’s light
Cos I’m a poet by day –
Accountant by night.

Some people call me ‘sell out’
With my super-sonnet skills
But I really want to yell out
And at dusk I step out brusquely
And assume a new identity
I hang out in my suit
And be an absolute nonentity

I pack away my Byron
And I change my name to Dwight
Cos I’m a poet by day –
Accountant by night.

Now I’m thinking that the drinking
In the morning’s getting dull
And it may be wishful thinking
But it’s clinking in my skull:
Yes I’m pining for the time
When I can ditch the wretched rhyme
I’ve an itch to switch my pitch
And hit the finances full time

Yes the figures give me vigour
As they trigger and ignite
And make blatant all the latent force
That gives my life some bite
But for now I’ll nurse my verses
As I curse the need to write
Cos I’m a poet by day –
Accountant by night.

Yeah I’m a poet by day –
Accountant by night

Thursday 18 February 2016


He’s a Space Invader

He’s a space invader
A proxemical raider
Better drop him quickly like a hot potato
A whole bus free and he sits next to you
You can feel his breath as you stand in a queue
You’re flecked with spittle whenever he speaks
You feel a little brittle as your patience creaks

He’s space attacker
A territory hacker
Better smack him swiftly in the knackers
He’s the sleazy geezer with the drunken squeeze
You’re on the train and he’s touching your knees
He makes you sick with his icky shtick
Hanging with this wang is no picnic

He’s a space intruder
A nuisance-exuder
He’s the guy from accounts by the water cooler
You’re chatting at a party and he’s getting farty
He corners you in boredom with his ‘arty’ repartee
Regaling you with tales of the book that he’s writing
You’re giving him a look like you want to bite him

He’s a lurking monstrosity
Run with velocity
His nose is too close to your physiognomy
You’re on the tube and he’s eyeing your Metro
He’s more of a prick than a thorny hedgerow
He’s all in your face, he’s a graceless case
As he pitches a flag in your personal space

He’s a space assailant
A nasty ailment
He’s the Lionel Messi of social derailment
He’s the bloke on coke with the shitty joke
And less charisma than an artichoke
He’s like ebola at an orgy
He’ll chase you away like Georie Porgie

He’s an etiquette-evader
A fun-blockader
Better watch out


Image result for too close on tube

Monday 8 February 2016

Amazing Poems by Year 7 Students

wow, check these out!

Dear 5-Year-Old Self by Fatheema 

Dear 5-year-old self
Be nice to your brother
As he will be loyal to you
More than your father
Do not trust dad when he says
He will be back
The truth is he is gone
And does not care for us at all
Do not drink Coca Cola
When you think no one is watching
The truth is
Mum video taped it
And it’s on the way to Sri Lanka
Do not give up when people say
You can’t sing
The truth is
You have a talent
Do not cry when our goat dies
The truth is
He is in a better place.

Perfect Girl by Ameesha 

You stand in the shadows and watch,
as she tosses her long blue-black hair,
her mouth open in a perfect grin, her laughter as sweet and smooth
as honey. You watch as her friends crowd around her,
giggling, laughing, sharing their news about the new toy
their mouther bought them. You want to be their, in that
clique, that little bubble, that world of toys and happiness.
But you’re not. You’re here, in reality, and you wish you
weren’t. you have no nice dresses, no new toys, no designer
bags. You wish you were like them, one of them.
She looks at you then, with her large doe eyes,
and you realise that she isn’t the perfect person
she pretends to be. There are dark circle under her
weary, tired eyes, swollen red cheeks, and under
the new nice scarf her mum bought her last Saturday
you can see the hint of a blue-black bruise. And
you realise, you don’t want to be her after all. 

Monday 1 February 2016

Poems About Britain, by British-Asian Girls

I am Poet in Residence at a school that consists primarily of British-Asian girls. They are having a day celebrating 'British Values', for which I am leading an assembly. I always think 'British Values' is a nebulous concept, and the values people cite as somehow British - tolerance, fairness, etc - have always struck me as basic human values. Be that as it may, I wanted to elicit from the students their own views on Britishness. With this in mind, the following two poems are comprised entirely from the ideas of a Year 7 class that I have been working with. Enjoy!

The Best Thing About Britain

The best thing about Britain is
We are all different religions and
We can learn from each other –
Democracy, respect, tolerance
And the rule of law.
The best thing about Britain is
Free health care, delicious food
And high quality education.
The best thing about Britain is
The burgers, the football,
The chicken and chips.
The best thing about Britain is
The toilets that have everything –
 Wash basin, closet, mirror.
The best thing about Britain is
You get to be your own religion,
And laughter, happiness and joy.
The best thing about Britain is
The landmarks that catch your eye,
The teachers and the police.
The best thing about Britain is
That it has a mix of different cultures.
The best thing about Britain is
We are safe. We are free.

The Worst Thing About Britain

The worst thing about Britain is
My siblings always thinking my dad’s a millionaire,
But he’s not and they waste his money.
The worst thing about Britain is
The bullying in every school
And paying money to the shopkeeper.
The worst thing about Britain is
One day it’s freezing and the next
It’s very hot.
The worst thing about Britain is
You can’t find chicken tikka in the shops,
And people don’t care about the homeless.
The worst thing about Britain is
Living next to West Ham United,
And drunk people walking down the street.
The worst thing about Britain is
When people get angry for no good reason,
And not being able to watch full movies on Youtube.
The worst thing about Britain is
The accidents on the road,
The crazy people,
The upside down weather.
The worst thing about Britain is
Technology, rain,

And no tropical fruit. 

Image result for britain