For lots more exciting info about me, please go to my main home - www.joshuaseigal.co.uk

Tuesday 27 October 2020

TWO LIMERICKS ON FREE SCHOOL MEALS (OR LACK THEREOF)

 FEED THYSELF


When hunkering down in your house

Just dine on some lobster and grouse

And if you’re unable

To stock up your table

I simply don’t care. I’m a louse. 



TORY ADVICE


Avoid seeming stony and callous

Put sweetness of heart over malice

Just toddle down straight

To your wrought-iron gate

And throw crumbs to the plebs from your palace





Monday 26 October 2020

KISSING MISS

Yesterday I hugged my teacher,

giving her a kiss. 

You might be somewhat startled

that I got away with this. 


I know it’s rather odd;

the situation is, in sum:

my teacher is my teacher

but she also is my mum.





Saturday 24 October 2020

SCUM

Some

Children

Unfed

Monstrously


Several

Characteristics

Undermining

Morality


Such

Callousness

Utterly

Maddening


So

Called

Useless

MPs




(Conservative Party refuses to extend free school meals into half term, despite the fact that lots of children and their families are starving. They then whinge about being called 'scum' by a Labour MP)

Monday 19 October 2020

THIS HALLOWEEN

This Halloween is different

to the ones in years gone by.

The horrors that it has in store

will truly make you cry. 

It’s full of shocking happenings

and lots of ghoulish creatures

with hearts of heinous evil

and with no redeeming features.


This Halloween is not the same

as others in the past.

The panic that it offers up

will leave you all aghast. 

It’s filled with immorality

and fearful degradations. 

It’s packed with total bitterness

and dark prognostications. 


This Halloween, however,

you don’t need to leave your home.

To get a taste of terror

you are not required to roam.

To give yourself the jitters

and a dosage of the blues

just sit down at the table

and then open up the news.


Friday 16 October 2020

ADVICE

Greet each new day

the way your cat greets you

when you walk in from work. 


For when you left

she had no idea

you’d return;


in her limited mind

each of your departures

could have been your last.


So greet each new day

the way your cat greets you

when you walk through that door:


a gentle smile,

a flick of the tail

and carry on.



Thursday 15 October 2020

WAITING

I’m waiting for my darling

while she goes and sits her test.

She’s spent all year preparing

and I hope she does her best. 


She’s always been my baby

and my nerves are getting frayed. 

I really hope she passes.

I’ve petitioned and I’ve prayed.


I’m trying to be mindful,

yes I’m trying to keep cool.

I hope that she will do me proud

and not end up a fool.


They told me when I left her

she’d be done by half past three... 

I can’t stand waiting for my car

to have its MOT.




Wednesday 14 October 2020

Awesome poem from one of my recent workshops

 Blue by Beatrix, Year 5


I’m blue

Right now i’m surfing but

when I feel dumb I can be ink in school

uniform and learn algebra and comprehension

When I feel dangerous I can turn into 

a huge wave or rain and

flood a city in five minutes

When things seem blurry

I can go into a new born child

and see the world better

When I feel crazy I can turn into

a rock star’s dyed hair or their guitar

When I feel calm

I could make a flower bloom

When I feel tense I turn into

a yoga mat and watch people

do amazing things 

If I want to see everyone I go to the sky

When I need energy I go to a river

I feel power sometimes 

and when the day is up

I go with the other colours 

to watch the sun set.


Monday 12 October 2020

A POEM FOR FATIMA

 THINGS YOU CAN’T WRITE CODE FOR

The flight of the notes as the orchestra starts

The way that a painting grabs hold of your heart


The words in the novel that make you feel seen

The gasp in your lungs as you're hooked by the screen


The tears in your eyes as you hear the song

The darers and dreamers that help you belong


The years that you give to achieving your goal

The feeling as life slips beyond your control


The anger and fear when they don’t understand

and simply expect a reboot and rebrand


For it’s no use to merely keep us alive

unless we have something to help our souls thrive.



above: a recent image put out by HM Government

Wednesday 7 October 2020

RETRAINING (for Rishi Sunak)

The poet retrained as a carpenter

but his words became wooden


The poet retrained as a gardener

but his verses wouldn’t bloom


The poet retained as an athlete

but he couldn’t run with it


The poet retrained as a pilot

but the idea wouldn’t fly


The poet retrained as a train driver

but he went off the rails


The poet retrained as a banker

but was left counting the cost


The poet retrained as a grave worker

but he couldn't dig it


So the poet retrained as a politician

and became a wanker.




Tuesday 6 October 2020

A WORLD WITH NO ART (for Rishi Sunak)

A world with no art

Is a world with no colour

A world with no art

Is a world with no soul

A world with no art

Is a world with no feeling

A world with no art

Is a world that’s not whole


A world with no art

Is a world with no vision

A world with no art

Is a world with no breath

A world with no art

Is a world that’s not living

A world with no art

Is a place of pure death


A world with no art

Is a world with no meaning

A world with no art

Is a world that is lost

A world with no art

Is a world with no dreaming 

A world with no art

Is left counting the cost


A world with no art

Is a world packed with numbers

A world with no art’s

Full of robots in suits

A world with no art

Is a world with no future

A world with no art

Has forgotten its roots


Saturday 3 October 2020

BRILLIANT ANIMAL POEMS FROM YR5, WOODCROFT PRIMARY

 I was delighted when Rachel Maynard, the fabulous Year 5 teacher at Woodcroft Primary School in north London, got in touch to say that her class had been working on animal poems inspired by my poem 'Little Lemur Laughing', the title piece of my second book with Bloomsbury. This poem uses repetition and alliteration to bring animals to life, and I am so excited to be able to share a selection of Year 5's fabulous poetry. I can tell that these pupils worked really hard on editing, perfecting and also decorating their poems, and I'm sure you'll agree that they should be very proud of themselves!










Thursday 1 October 2020

POEM FOR NATIONAL POETRY DAY 2020

 A SMALL FAVOUR


Consider the poet. 

Her mind doesn’t work

quite the same as normal people. 

Standing under the shower

she tries to catch metaphors

in the molten droplets. 

As she stares out of the train window

the horizon to her 

is a lilting string of words. 

Needless to say

she doesn’t do this for the money,

but just like everyone else

stanzas alone won’t fill her belly. 

Just a small sum

will help purchase her latest book.

A slightly bigger contribution

will enable a short visit

to your school or institution.

Dig a little deeper and

she could even be yours to keep.

For remember:

a poet is for life,

not just for National Poetry Day.