UNATTRACTIVE BABY

We’ve seen all the platitudes,

tributes and snaps.

We’ve had all the updates

on various apps

but I’m sorry to venture

I think that, perhaps
your baby's unattractive.

I know that the wonder

of birth is delightful;

I really don’t want to 

be petty or spiteful,

but this time the specimen

truly is frightful:

your baby's unattractive.

Its head is all red

and its eyes are askew.

I know you’re besotted;

you kiss and you coo

but it seems that this creature

belongs in a zoo:

your baby's unattractive.

Everyone loves it

and everyone croons

but I cannot join in with

the simpers and swoons:

your beauteous offspring

looks like a baboon.

Your baby's unattractive.

Please don’t be livid.

Please don’t get mad.

I know it’s the best thing

that you’ve ever had

and I’ll always adore it

(because I’m its dad)
but our baby's unattractive.