NEW POEM: 'GIVE ME A BREAK'

 

FOR 'YEAR 4 SEIGAL' AT GLEBE PRIMARY SCHOOL

Hello you crazy cats!

My name is Joshua Seigal, and I am a poet. All of you have heard of me by now, because your class is named after me. To my knowledge, you are the first and only class named after me in the world. (There may be a school in Mongolia or somewhere who have a class called 'Seigal', but I've not been informed about it.)

The first thing for me to do is to tell you how unbelievably proud I am that your class is named after me. For the rest of your lives you are probably going to remember that you were in a class called 'Seigal'. You may think that's a bit weird, but I find it really cool. It means that, whatever you decide to do in your life and wherever you decide to go, you will be carrying a little piece of me with you. I don't mean that literally though; I'm not going to give you a piece of my finger or leg or anything like that. That would be absurd.

I have written a few poetry books (you can Google them if you like) and I spend most of my time visiting schools. Who knows - maybe one day I will get to visit your school. I suppose the next thing for me to do is to tell you a little bit about myself and my journey as a professional poet.

When I was at school I had no idea what I wanted to do as a job. I enjoyed reading and writing, but I didn’t always enjoy reading and writing the kinds of things they made us do at school. I always had quite an active imagination, but I was frequently told I was naughty and uncooperative. 

My parents pushed me very hard to get top grades at school, and after a while I became obsessed with getting the best marks in all my tests. After a while, I started to get quite depressed. When I was at university I realised that writing poems was good for my mental health, as it gave me something to concentrate on as well as a way to express my emotions. I enjoyed doing it so much that I eventually decided I wanted to be a poet. 

Of course, no one believed that I could be a professional poet. It is not the kind of job that anyone talks about. But I knew I had a passion for words and for performing, and I knew I wanted to work with children and young people in schools. In 2012 I decided that this was what I was going to do.

My journey since then has been very interesting. It has not always been easy, and being a poet is not as well paid as being, say, a footballer. But I feel very lucky to be able to do the job that I do. I am writing to you now to say that there is no such thing as the ‘correct’ thing to do in life. If you have passion and self belief, then you should follow them wherever they lead. You should also read and write the things that you want to read and write; the things that you are interested in. I believe that all reading and writing is good, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Even if you think you don’t like it at all, I would urge you simply to give it a go. You don’t need to put pressure on yourself. 

So have fun, believe in yourself, and keep reading and writing! Oh yes, and also please visit my website, www.joshuaseigal.co.uk.

PODCASTS

Your dad, your nan, the guy next door

The bloke who runs the local store

Your best mate’s wife from Ecuador —

Everyone’s doing a podcast. 

Aspiring jokesters spouting crap

Nonentities who like to yap

The girl who’s on the till at Gap —

Everyone’s doing a podcast.

There’s history, mystery, current affairs

There’s chattering, nattering, graces and airs

There’s jabbering, blabbering everywhere —

Everyone’s doing a podcast.

It’s totally ridiculous 

Perhaps even iniquitous

These things are now ubiquitous —

Everyone’s doing a podcast. 

Your aunt and uncle and their dog

All now in sodding dialogue

I can’t keep up, my ears are clogged

With all these bloody podcasts.

POEMS BASED ON SAYINGS AND IDIOMS

GRANDPA’S FEAR by Joshua Seigal

I keep them locked

in a box by my bed.

I will never let anybody

have the key.

Grandpa says the only thing

he truly fears

is losing his marbles

so at least I know now

that I won’t

lose mine.

As with my poem above, I recently set a challenge for my followers on social media, to write poems based on famous sayings and idioms. I thought that this would be ripe for poetic exploration, and I was not disappointed by the responses I received. Here are some of the fantastic examples I received via Twitter and Facebook; why not give it a go yourself, or in class?

Poem by Dainnah Louise (via Facebook)

I have a small door,

deep in the garden.

I keep its place a secret

inside my head. 

Mum oftes says “Jess,

you’re awar with the fairies!”

And I smile, because I know I’m too big

to go through that little door.

Poem by Caz (via Twitter)

The old man down the road

He’s not been well

He’s confused

He heads off to his allotment

Time to reap the fruits

Of his labour

He waits by the lane

Looking at all the neatly kept patches

But which one is his?

I think he’s lost the plot.

[Josh’s comment: is he Jeremy Corbyn by any chance?]

Cake Challenge by Tahera Mayat (via Twitter)

It’s a piece of cake

It should be simple

Enough to consume

But no room for cake

I give it my best shot

It’s a piece of cake

But rich chocolate cake

Means I can’t finish it

The irony is

That eating a piece of cake

Should be a piece of cake…

Or a walk in the park

GOVERNMENT ADVICE

You do your working in Your working out In

Out In

Out Shake it all about You do the Boris Johnson With the crap you spout That’s what it’s all about Oh the Boris Johnson Oh the Boris Johnson Oh the Boris Johnson Buller! Buller! Ra Ra Ra!

GONE OFF MILK

gone off milk

foul and thick

gone off milk

makes me sick

gone off milk

in my bowl

gone off milk

rots my soul

gone off milk

in my cup

gone off milk

might throw up

gone off milk

what a stink

gone off milk

down the sink

gone off milk

make a vow:

I’ve gone off milk

forever now!

THE TIGER

doesn’t want you

to look into her eyes. 

You can marvel at her stance

and the way her tongue flicks

across her fangs;

you can cower at her claws

and the stripes that streak

like poison down her back;

you can even draw up close

to catch her bitter breath

but the tiger doesn’t want you

to look into her eyes

for

should you do so

you might see nothing more

than another little housecat

blinking

      back at you.