Since the beginning of this year, I have been working extremely hard on a project which I know will never make me any money. I have been continuing to visit schools and run workshops, which does make money, and thus I have been able to keep up a decent income. But the lion's share of my creative endeavours have been going towards a project which, almost certainly, will reap zero pecuniary benefit.
The project in question is a pamphlet of poems aimed at adults. Since 2016, I have been lucky enough to have had seven books of children's poetry published by Bloomsbury, and two by HarperCollins. Whilst my author's cut of the profits from these books is not what it should be -- such is the case for all authors -- I nonetheless get a royalty cheque twice a year, and am able to buy copies of my books myself at a hefty discount, and thus make a profit when I sell them during school visits. Therefore, when working on these books, I know that there will be money in it for me. It's not that I am even thinking about this when I write, but I am in a different position to that which I now find myself in.
Why do I know my project won't make me any money? Because poetry aimed at grown ups doesn't sell well, for one. Even very accomplished poets don't make money from their books, they make it from their other pursuits, which in the world of 'grown up' poetry is mostly teaching, lecturing, or some other kind of day job. And this is the
well known poets. In the world of grown up poetry, I am a complete nobody. I was extremely fortunate to have had a poem published in
Poetry Wales magazine in 2023, and this is no small feat (you can read the poem
here, and I've made it prominent on the right of this blog, under the 'Featured Post' heading). This poem will hopefully form the backbone of my forthcoming collection. But I am far from the sort of name the casual browser would ever think to pluck off the bookshelf. No: if my pamphlet ever sees the light of day with a publisher, I am unlikely to see my bank balance rise, even slightly, as a result of it. And that's
if it ever gets published, which it might well not.
The other week, my mum asked what I was working on, and I told her about my pamphlet. I do not come from an artistic family. Her primary concern was when, how, and indeed whether this would make any money. I said it would not, ever, even if I strike lucky with publication someday. She was confused: why on earth would I be doing such a thing? Why would I spend my time on this? My somewhat frivolous response was that Van Gogh never sold a single painting during his lifetime, and that didn't stop him. My mum wasn't particularly impressed.
So why am I doing it? Why am I spending all this time and energy on something which, even under the most optimistic of scenarios, will not make me any cashish? Reader, my answer will sound incredibly pretentious. I am doing it for the Art. I am simply following the current of where my artistic inspiration is taking me. For perhaps the first time in my life, I am feeling like a Real Artist, creating something for no other reason than because it is art. Paradoxically, the knowledge that it won't make any money makes me feel even more of an artist, and helps me pour even more passion into this project. It feels like the most meaningful thing I have ever done. All my writing feels meaningful to me, but this does more than anything else, because I know everything else also has a business element to it. I just hope I don't come to regret spending my time in this way, when the bills heap up.
A little preview: the pamphlet is called The Relationship Expert (ironic, or is it??), and features autobiographical poems and one or two surreal ones as well. A few of the pieces have already been published, and a few have appeared on this blog. Stay tuned. This is now the end of this blog post, and as I look at the clock I realised I have just spent an hour on another thing which I know will never make me any money.