Pet Regret

I’m on the couch.

I need a wee.

I can’t get up.

She lies on me.

She’s snoozing there

quite happily – 

the cat is fast asleep.

My bladder is

about to burst.

I need to dash

but I’ve been cursed.

Of all afflictions

this is worst – 

the cat is fast asleep. 

My lap is now

some kind of bed.

I’m full of pee.

I’m full of dread,

with thoughts of murder

in my head – 

the cat is fast asleep. 

“Just wake her up”,

I hear you say,

but if I do

there’s hell to pay.

That demon beast

shall get her way – 

the cat is fast asleep.

So, trousers damp,

I’ll sit and wait. 

I’ll muse upon

my sorry state,

and pray that soon

it will abate – 

the cat is fast aszzzzzzzzzzz

Joshua Seigal

The Mentality of People Outside Madame Tussauds

I queue!

I queue!

Lo! I queue!

Joshua Seigal 

Everything Good

Everything good is because of you. 

Your friends are my friends;

your world is my world

and that world is beautiful.

Your concerns are my concerns

and your pain is my pain – 

its punch pure and blistering

but more meaningful

for the sharing of it. 

Everything good is down to you.

Your success is my success,

and though your failure

can sometimes feel like mine, 

my love grows stronger in its light. 

We are not the same person,

and that's hard to accept.

But through this acceptance

I can reach myself.

Everything good

is because of you.

Joshua Seigal

For breakfast I ate...

a delicious

lovely

scrumptious

delectable

yummy

tasty

toothsome

tempting

synonym roll

Joshua Seigal

a rather silly poem

Be Careful

I cast my rod and caught a shark – 

Be careful what you fish for. 

I swung my bat and hit a lark – 

Be careful what you swish for.

I squeeze a sponge and blood came out – 

Be careful what you squish for. 

I prayed for wealth, and now I’ve gout – 

Be careful what you wish for.

I think this poem could be quite a bit better, but at the moment I'm not sure how. If anyone wants to send me any new/amended lines, maybe I could add them to this poem and create a crowdsourced piece...

UPDATE: Following a post on Facebook, several writers have been in touch with their own suggestions! Here is a selection of the responses I received:

Ed Finch:

I lifted weights and broke my arm

Be careful what you wish for.

I tried too hard and lost my charm

Be careful what you wish for.

Steev Burgess:

Went in the sea and I got stung,

What are Jellyfish for ?

Neal Zetter:

I ate kebabs and then threw up, be careful what you shish for

A F Harrold:

I will not see Lorraine again,

be careful what you quiche for.

Liz Brownlee:

I warmed an egg a dragon hatched be careful what you nourish for

Rob Walton:

I ate three bowls and feared the next

Be wary of that Dish Four

It's Morning

and my wife gets up early for work.

She kisses me, shuts the door

and the cat comes and meows.

I reach down and stroke her.

Acknowledging this, she gets back

into her box and curls up.

We stay like this – me in bed,

Bluebell asleep in her box.

Just me and her.

And I can’t say I know

what happiness is,

but maybe this comes close.

Joshua Seigal

A Poem About Nothing

This is a piece about nothing at all. 

It’s not about llamas or people called Paul. 

It’s not about flotsam, or fishsticks, or owls;

it’s not about liquorice, lobsters or towels.

This poem, I tell you, is merely a void. 

To search for a meaning would make you annoyed. 

It’s not about clowns doing backflips in Chad;

it’s not about monsters who look like your dad.

It’s not about jelly, or bottoms, or squid,

or broccoli, banjos, Macau or Madrid.

It’s not about pineapples pinned to a wall – 

See, this is a piece about nothing at all.

Joshua Seigal