Since I became a successful children’s author
I’ve been amazed at the opportunities
that have opened up for me.
Just last week I was asked to play for Man United.
“But I can barely kick a ball!” I said.
“Doesn’t matter”, they replied – “the crowd will love you”.
In fact, I’d just come out of the recording studio
where I’d been laying down my debut single.
I sing like a cement mixer, but no one seems to care.
Another thing I can’t do is dance.
This was no impediment to my being invited
to join the Royal Ballet and several breakdance troupes.
Yes, since my latest picture book came out
I’ve been on all the quiz shows, game shows,
news shows, baking shows, DNA shows, reality shows,
politics shows, farming shows, antique shows,
documentary shows, mockumentary shows,
eating-camel’s-arse-in-the-jungle shows,
and it’s no wonder: after all, the life of a celebrity
is the rightful domain of the successful children’s author.
And boy, it shows.
Joshua Seigal
