I mentioned in a blog post last week that I had recently visited Palmers Green High School which, in spite of the name, includes younger pupils too. I was delighted in that post to share some fantastic poems from Year 3. Ms. Conlon, the wonderful librarian, has just sent me some more poems, this time produced by Year 4 during my workshop. I am really excited to be able to share them in this blog post. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did, and can appreciate the development and complexity of ideas when compared to the (equally fantastic) Year 3 poems. Check em out!
Professional performance poet! MA in Writing/Education and residencies at various schools. Books published by Bloomsbury. Sharing my poetry, students' work, and miscellanea. Blog posts not always child friendly.
Tuesday, 30 March 2021
Sunday, 28 March 2021
PONKY WOEM
I’m just a ponky woem
in a bonky little wook.
I know you sink it’s thilly
but just lome and have a cook.
My bords are rather wackwards
and my stread is not on haight.
Yes mome sight steem me dupid
but en thothers gray I’m seat.
Ly mexicon jis umbled.
Ly metters are askew.
I know you wink I’m theird
but I’m gather rripping too.
I save to hay crime azy
and against all tommon caste.
I’m just a ponky woem
and sy mense bas heen plismaced.
Friday, 26 March 2021
A POEM ABOUT POETRY ABOUT POETRY
A great authority
whom I like and admire
once said that all poets
are only ever allowed to write
one poem about poetry.
Any more, I suppose,
would be too much of a cop out
or too slyly self-referential
or perhaps simply
too easy.
I’m not sure
how I feel
about that.
Wednesday, 24 March 2021
#NationalSomethingDay
Dust off your thingummy!
Grab that doohickey!
Diddle your doodad -
it’s not very tricky.
Give us a cheer
and holler ‘Hooray!’
It’s #NationalSomethingDay
Go and recover
your thingamajig!
Your whatnot is in
for a wonderful gig!
slap on a smile
and don’t feel grey!
It’s #NationalSomethingDay
So gather your gismos
and wangle your whatsit!
Muster your kit
from the back of your closet!
Those whatjamacallits
are here to stay!
It’s #NationalSomethingDay
Tuesday, 23 March 2021
EMOTION POEMS FROM YEAR 3, PGHS
Last week I did some workshops with Palmers Green High School. This was the third year in a row I have worked at the school, and I am always impressed with the quality of writing they produce. Their fantastic librarian, Mrs. Conlon, recently sent me a selection of worked produced by Year 3 (despite the name, PGHS has primary school pupils too). Here are three wonderful poems, each focused around a different emotion. Enjoy!
Friday, 19 March 2021
MAKING YOUNG CHILDREN LAUGH
This short piece is intended primarily for people who work with young children, by which I mean roughly Nursery, Reception and Key Stage One, and would like some ideas for how to make them laugh. It might prove useful to poets and other practitioners who visit schools and would appreciate some fun ways to engage and amuse children. I should begin by saying that I am far from an expert: I do not have children of my own (although I do have a niece and a nephew), and I have not done anything approaching ‘research’ into the ‘science’ of what makes children laugh. I think it is an art rather than a science anyway, and with this in mind I would like to share some tactics and techniques that, in my experience as a professional performance poet, seem to work for me. If these ideas seem incredibly simple, it’s because they are!
Wrong Nursery Rhymes
All children know nursery rhymes. They find it highly amusing when an adult attempts to sing a nursery rhyme, but gets the words wrong. I find this such a successful technique for eliciting mirth that I have even included a poem in my next book that is a mangling of ‘Baa Baa Black Sheep’. The first verse goes:
Baa baa blue sheep
Have you any bread?
Yes sir, yes sir,
On my head
When I sing this, the children find it very funny. There is something about adults getting things wrong that seems to really tickle them. And they find it even funnier when adults get things wrong repeatedly: the poem mentioned above has four verses, all incorrect renderings of the original rhyme. Children seem to love it when adults, ostensibly the harbingers of truth and authority, get things wrong! They love having the tables turned.
Wrong Names
Similarly, if I am doing a poem about a mango, say, children find it very funny when I hold up a mango and say “this...is a strawberry!” As above, the more I get it wrong, the funnier it becomes. And the sillier the ideas get, the more the laughter erupts. I might end up, for example, saying “this…. is a pair of alien’s underpants!” The key to the joke is this: they know what it is, and I don’t. Again, the typical adult-child power dynamic has been inverted; the tables have turned. You can do this with anything: hold up a toy bear and announce in a booming voice: “THIS….IS A CROCODILE!” Oh, the joy.
The Opposite Game
Here is a fun game. When you say ‘sit’, the children have to stand; when you say ‘stand’ they have to sit. Do this a few times, and pretend to get really frustrated when many of the kids (inevitably) get it wrong. Pretend to cry - children find that funny. You can then add another instruction: the children have to jump when you say ‘clap’, and clap when you say ‘jump’. Make this game increasingly elaborate, incorporating loads of instructions that are too difficult for most of them to keep up with. The fact that they can’t keep up with it is why it is fun! You can make this go on for as long as you like (perhaps if you need to eat up some time), and the longer it goes on the sillier and hence funnier it gets.
The Three R’s
The little tricks above apply to anyone who finds themselves in front of a group of small children and wants to entertain them. When it comes to poetry specifically, there are three things that I always keep in my toolbox for the little ones: rhyme, rhythm and repetition. I find that as long as a poem includes a healthy dose of all these things, one can’t help but experience a room full of smiling faces. It doesn’t even particularly matter if the content is inherently funny (more on that in the next section); the mere use of these techniques seems to tap into something very primal within the children, and makes them grin, nod along, tap their feet, and generally have a whole heap of fun. And with regards to repetition, the longer it goes on the funnier it gets. You can repeat something loads and loads and loads and loads and loads...and loads and loads...and loads (you get the idea) of times.
Wonsense Nords
What about the material? Well, there are some obvious things that make all young children laugh. Toilet related things. Bodily things. Yucky things. People who seek to entertain, educate and inspire children can fall into one of two camps: embrace toilet humour wholeheartedly, or puritanically avoid it. I think I am somewhere in the middle. It is simply too easy to rely purely on toilet humour for a laugh, but a carefully inserted ‘bum’ can elevate a performance. Another thing that really tickles children, I have found, is nonsense words. An example of this is my poem ‘Ooshus Magooshus’. I always tell children not to laugh at this monster’s name (of course, telling them not to laugh is a guaranteed way of getting it to happen), but they can’t help it; it just sounds funny, doesn’t it? Repeat it. Say it in different voices. It is highly amusing. So if you want to make young children laugh, why not have a stock of nonsense words at your disposal.
Conclusion
Writing the word ‘conclusion’ just now reminds me of when I used to write essays at university. It has been a long time since I’ve written an essay. Actually it hasn’t been that long, as I did two MAs after my undergraduate degree, with the aim being to postpone getting a proper job for as long as possible. And I still haven’t gotten one. Another thing that amuses children of all ages seems to be when I go on long, rambling tangents like just then. Anyhoo, back to the original point: making small children laugh. As I mentioned at the beginning, I definitely do not consider myself to be an expert. The ideas above are merely those that have worked for me in my eight years or so as a children’s performer. They may or may not work for you. Hopefully, at least, I have provided some useful tips for those who are thinking about working with and entertaining young children. Good luck, and may Ooshus Magooshus McSquooshus be with you!
Thursday, 18 March 2021
DARE
Do you dare to be happy?
Do you dare to climb into bed
and get up close and sweaty
with What If? and I Don’ Know?
Do you dare to kiss Paradox on the lips?
Do you dare to see the doughnut, not the hole;
to see the pitch, not just the goal;
to eat the cornflakes from life’s bowl?
Do you dare to be happy?
Do you dare to deem the voice in your head
to be just another note
in our noisy death metal cacophony?
Do you dare to be happy,
to tuck yourself in tight with the tigers
of your days?
Do you dare to enumerate the ways
you could be tripped up
but keep skipping anyway?
Do you dare to be happy,
to jump into the dark with Joy
having married her?
Do you dare to be happy?
For what, after all,
could be scarier?
Saturday, 13 March 2021
THANK YOU LETTERS TO PETS
During lockdown, our cat Bluebell has been as indispensable source of comfort. What better way to celebrate and acknowledge this than by writing her a 'thank you poem'?
Bluebell
Thank you for crawling across my laptop when I’m tying to work
Thank you for always knocking things off the shelf
Thank you for running outside, realising you don’t like it,
and then running back in
Thank you for curling up like a little cinnamon roll on the sofa
Thank you for scratching at the carpet at 3am
Thank you for ‘christening’ your litter tray as soon as it has been cleaned
Thank you for always cuddling my wife and never me
Thank you for perpetually making me think you might be about to cuddle me
Thank you for your blue eyes and golden coat
Thank you for rolling on your back for belly rubs
Thank you for always being there
Thank you for you
Thank you for being Bluebell...
Thursday, 11 March 2021
THE MONSTER
looks like you.
He wears the same kind of clothes as you
and goes to the same parties.
The monster listens to the same records as you
and has similar opinions
on the merits of various bands.
The monster may even support
the same football team as you
and be as highly regarded in his workplace
as you are in yours.
In fact, if someone saw you and the monster
side by side
one wouldn’t be able to tell
which was the monster
and which was the nice bloke.
And of course you are
a nice bloke
aren’t you?
(serving police officer arrested on suspicion of murder, 11/03/21)
Wednesday, 10 March 2021
TWO LIMERICKS
There was an old snowflake called Piers
Who dished out his dogshit for years
But when someone came
And played him at this game
He careered from the cameras in tears.
Tuesday, 9 March 2021
BRILLIANT POETRY BY TANFIELD LEA PRIMARY SCHOOL
I would like to share two very different poems from pupils at Tanfield Lea Primary School in Co. Durham, whom I have had the privilege of working with today. The first is a group effort by children in Year 1. I was particularly impressed by their use of rhyme, which is a very difficult skill to master at such a young age. Here is Year 1's fantabuliferous poem:
Feelings by Romola, Year 4
I walked home from school
And sat on my bed
With one thousand thoughts
Burning in my head.
I thought about fights
Between mum and dad
As I listened to the fight
I got more and more sad.
My happiness flowed through
My finger tips
My eyes, my nose
My brain and my lips.
Then the sadness came
Just batting through
“I don’t like him or her
Or even you!”
No way will I
Talk about my class
The strictness, the rules
The playing of brass.
The bullies were coming
Right for me
“NO!” I’ll conquer you bullies
You wait and see!
I no longer dwell
On worries or fears
I’ll tell everyone
And I’ll gather my peers.
No-one will stop us
Not even my friends
For together, here and now
Friendship never ends.
Monday, 8 March 2021
LOVELY POEMS FROM YEAR 3, CYPRESS PRIMARY SCHOOL
Last Monday I visited Cypress Primary School. This was the third year in a row I have visited this fantastic school. My abiding memory of the previous two years is of wheeling a suitcase full of books up a frankly monstrous hill in order to get to the school. Thankfully this time the visit was virtual, so no such physical exertion was necessary. I was delighted when Mr. Shipley got in touch to share some of the brilliant work his pupils did as part of my workshops. The task was one I often use: to produce love poems to food! This works well with all ages, and enables pupils to develop their creative and imaginative skills in the service of a rather wacky task. Here, then, are some of the wonderful poems produced by Mr. Shipley's class. I hope you like them as much as I do!
Saturday, 6 March 2021
NHS
Never
Helped
Sufficiently
No
Humane
Support
Not
Had
Satisfaction
Now
Heroes
Suffer
Friday, 5 March 2021
A POEM FOR THE DAY AFTER WORLD BOOK DAY
SEASONAL NOTICE FROM THE RSPB*
Think of her.
Small, alone and afraid.
Abandoned in a dusty, forgotten corner.
The joy that once flooded through her
Has now been drained away.
The people who once loved her
Have now cast her
From their minds.
Think of her.
Will you give her a home?
Will you pick her up
And caress her
With your caring hands?
Will you show her she’s wanted
And help her remember
That a book is for life
And not just World Book Day?
*Royal Society for the Protection of Books
Thank you to Steve Weatherill for the lovely illustration
Thursday, 4 March 2021
ONOMATOPOEIA POEM BY OLIVIA, YEAR 1
I have to confess to a bit of nepotism in this blog post: Olivia is my niece! She is 6, and I think she currently has a nascent awareness that her uncle Josh is, in fact, a Very Important Poet. It was in this spirit that her mother (AKA my sister) sent me the fantastic poem below. This is, to my knowledge, the first poem Olivia has written; it's certainly the first one that makes any kind of sense! And I love the fact that it rhymes too. Check it out!