What Nadine Dorries Should Have Said

In a series of tweets, Culture Secretary Nadine Dorries recently blames a series of laughable mishaps on the fact that she is dyslexic. Here is what she should have said instead:

I’m Terribly Sorry

(or, what Nadine Dorries Should Have Said)

I’m terribly sorry for the mistakes I have made recently. 

I have a condition known as Being a Tory. 

This condition affects everyone differently. 

For me, it affects my morality as well as my competence,

which is why I find solace in alcohol. 

Sometimes it’s funny and I laugh it off, but mostly

it just means I am totally awful. 

It’s difficult when you are in front of camera or writing a book,

or just having a normal conversation with a crony.

I’ve been in politics a long time and have grown increasingly thick.

If you are interested in Being a Tory, some kind of lobotomy

or morality bypass will probably suffice.