I AM A COWARD

In a famous poem, Seamus Heaney

once compared his pen to a gun. Well

this may be true for certain literary behemoths

but for me it’s not. I am a coward. My pen

is what I use in the suspicion that I could

never wield proper arms. I’d run away,

notepad in hand, at the first sign of the guns.

Crammed into trains crossing borders, I might

jot down a few hollow words, but not as empty

as the ones I’m writing now, blue sky outside

the window, mug of hot coffee in hand. I am

a coward. I can’t confront the thought of my own

nonexistence. Perhaps this is why I write

in the first place, so something survives me

when I’m gone. No, my pen is not a gun.

A gun is a gun. My pen is a pen. And a poem

is nothing more than a white flag in the wind.

a fun new poem based on no one in particular

BADDIE

I’m in my lair, I stroke my cat 

My pupils blaze beneath my hat

I’m really quite the autocrat

What am I?

I’m a baddie.

With minions primed for dirty deeds

And jets at supersonic speeds

My brain is where corruption breeds

What am I?

I’m a baddie. 

I lurk in shadows, rant and rave

I subjugate, ensnare, enslave

I’ll carry evil to the grave

What am I?

I’m a baddie.

But deep within my fearsome shell

You’ll spy a little child dwell

That’s why I scream, that’s why I yell

What am I?

I’m a BADDIE.

Excellent Poems from North Newton Primary School, Somerset

Year 5 & 6 pupils at North Newton Primary School in Somerset have been looking at my poem 'Don't Get Me Started', and writing their own versions! Their Teaching Assistant, Ms. Larcombe, recently got in touch to share some of the results, and I am delighted to be able to publish a selection of their fantastic poetry on my blog. A huge well done to all involved. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

Don’t make it happen. by Tom

When your Mum turns off the TV

When the switch controller dies

When you step in slush at flip out

Don’t make it happen.

When juice goes on your clean clothes

When the Pringles get broken

When you stub your toe against a door

Don’t make it happen.

When your cereal goes very soggy

When sand gets in your eyes

When a motor bike goes past at night

Don’t make it happen.

This is what annoys me by Layla

When your work is on display

When you’re lost for words to say

When you don’t know what to play-

This is what annoys me.

When your work is not complete

When Lego gets stuck on your feet

When you cannot chew your meat-

This is what annoys me.

When siblings eat your favorite food

When you're desperate for the loo

When the sky is grey not blue-

This is what annoys me.

When my phone has one percent

When I don’t know what they meant-

When poems don’t have any rhythm.

Never do this!!! by Rosanna

When people chew their sleeves at school

When people wee in the swimming pool

When people pretend to act so cool

Never do this!!!

When people don’t use their brain

When people don’t board their plane

When its non-stop rain

Never do this!!!

When you drop your phone in a puddle

When dogs must wear a muzzle

When I can't finish a puzzle

Never do this!!!

When you get stung by a black bee

When you have to count to three

When I forget my keys

Never do this!!!

THE BOOKS

tell us how to live. 

Hundreds and hundreds of books

in the ‘Self Help’ section. 

Some of the books

have words like ‘rules’ in the title – 

‘The Rules for Life’;

‘The Rules for Relationships’.

Every author thinks they know the rules 

and that, with time and money,

we can learn the rules too. 

Without our time and money

we won’t know how to live. 

The books tell us we’re not happy, 

whether we know it or not. 

We need the books to put it right.

Some of the books disagree with each other;

some of the rules are in conflict. 

Perhaps we need to read all the books

to make up our own minds.

The authors would like that. 

Or perhaps we need to start

writing our own books.

Perhaps, with every step

through this story we call life,

we already are.

LEVELLED UP POEM

This poem has nomenclature

augmented in its quality.

Its sheer linguistic efficacy’s

grasped throughout the polity.

For every word that it could use

a finer one’s been substituted,

and, you see, the net result

is something that is convoluted.

Sometimes plainer speaking

is the way to say your bit:

Just because it’s ‘Levelled Up’,

don’t mean it isn’t shit.

YOU WOULDN'T SQUASH AN ELEPHANT

You wouldn’t squash an elephant

or trample on a dog.

You wouldn’t biff a buffalo

or pull apart a hog. 

You wouldn’t mash a marmoset

or mangle a koala. 

You wouldn’t pulp a panda

or extinguish an impala. 

You wouldn’t crush a crocodile 

or maim a chimpanzee.

You wouldn’t macerate a moose

or mush a manatee.

You wouldn’t pulp a porcupine

or step on a baboon.

You wouldn’t mutilate a duck

or wreck a poor raccoon. 

You wouldn’t do these nasty things,

so sometime tell me why

some people think it’s quite OK

to squish a little fly...