No Cheers

I go to the pub

and I don’t like the drinks – 

the ale’s all watery.

Frankly, it stinks. 

It’s fake and synthetic – 

to hell with the lot!

A faux beer phobia – 

that’s what I’ve got.

Joshua Seigal

a special poem for HALLOWEEN

THREE WORDS 

I know words to give you nightmares.

I know words to make you fret. 

I know words to give you terrors.

I know words to make you sweat. 

When you listen to these words 

you’ll squawk and scream and run away.

When I whisper in your ear

you’ll not keep misery at bay. 

I know words to scald your innards. 

I know words to chill your bones. 

I know words to give you torture.

I know words to give you moans. 

These three words are known to frighten. 

Terrorise – that’s what they do. 

Take a breath and listen closely:

These three words are

I

LOVE
YOU!

Joshua Seigal

Strange Prison

This is a strange kind of prison.

Its walls are made of ‘I do’,

its barred windows from ‘I love you’

and, technically, you can leave

if you choose

but there’s a bigger prison

outside these walls;

the barred windows look out

onto horrors too great

to comprehend. Yes this

is a strange prison indeed – 

a box within a bigger box,

a storm in the eye

of a storm bigger still…

I lie on my bed

and contemplate the ceiling – 

those strange, intricate patterns.

Joshua Seigal

Using Poetry To Inspire Students

When I finish a poetry workshop with a group of pupils, I normally go through the same schtick. I tell the students, who have all written their own poems, that I am a poet, and now they are too! My intention is to demonstrate that, regardless of their preconceptions, producing a poem need not be an arduous process – it can be fun!

I had a similar point in mind when I mischievously titled my first book ‘I Don’t Like Poetry’. I wanted, essentially, to write a book of poems for people who might think they don’t like poetry. Again, preconceptions are toyed with and, hopefully, refuted.

However, what if people come away from one of my workshops and think to themselves ‘well, I may have just written a poem, but I am still definitely not a poet’? What if they then go further and tell themselves that they don’t even want to be a poet? And what if, after reading one of my books or watching one of my performances, they still don’t like poetry? Have I then failed in my mission?

I really don’t think so. I am coming increasingly to believe that poetry is sort of incidental to my work. I happen to enjoy expressing myself using that medium, but I don’t really intend to create legions of fellow poets in my wake. It is probably quite unlikely that a large proportion of my students will go on to write their own poems on a regular basis, and it is unlikelier still that many of them will be inspired enough by me to pursue it as a profession.

The goal of what I do is instead to inspire my students to have confidence in and pursue their own interests, whatever those may be. Someone may well come away from meeting me and think ‘Josh is a poet, and if he can make that work, maybe I really can become a basketball player’. This, in my books, equals mission accomplished.

With this in mind, I think it might be time for me to reassess my schtick. I don’t think there is anything wrong with telling a group of students that they are all now poets, upon completion of one of my workshops, but I think I need to tweak the message slightly, and to add that they may choose not to be poets anymore after a while, but as long as they feel inspired in some way, in whatever way, then that is what I am there for. Poetry is the vehicle, but it may not be the destination.

A Gift

A Gift 

For Christmas we purchased

a gift for our cat –

a house with a blanket,

some toys and a mat. 

She’s made it her home now.

She thinks it quite pleasant. 

Our cat is a wise one – 

she lives in the present.

Joshua Seigal

'I Don't Like Poetry' featured on the Indian curriculum

I am very happy to announce that my poem 'I Don't Like Poetry' is featured in an Indian textbook, published by Good Luck Publishers. Hopefully what this means is that squillions of children will read it. Hopefully they will enjoy it! (NB, the poem should not be centred; the publishers did that without my say so. The poem was written to be left aligned.)

The Myth Buster

I am the Myth Buster. 

I go around Busting Myths.

I kick them over like pathetic little sandcastles.

I pop them like balloons at a toddler’s birthday party.

The other day I saw a Myth in the garden

and I Busted it with my special Myth-Busting shotgun,

laughing as it limped away.

If you find yourself bedevilled by unwanted Myths,

why not give me a call? I’ll charge a fair

and reasonable price to Bust it for you

and I’ll only make you feel a little bit stupid in return.

See, the world is made of Myths, simply waiting

to be Busted. Waiting for me to come and Bust them.

So come one, come all.

Form an orderly queue.

My finger is itchy on the trigger.

Joshua Seigal