I Don't Like Christmas' - poems from Buckhurst Hill Community Primary School

Teachers often get in touch with me to say that their pupils have been writing poems based on my world famous poem 'I Don't Like Poetry'. The children at Buckhurst Hill, Essex, recently put a new spin on the idea. They adapted my poem to fit in with a Christmas theme. They sent me a booklet of their wonderful work, and I am delighted to be able to share a selection of their poems here. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

AI

I asked AI if I should leave my marriage. 

It collated the sum total of all the knowledge

ever accrued, mashed it together, and stripped away

its verdict – yes indeed, this thing will never work. 

I got into bed and held my wife close.

How d’you like them apples?

Joshua Seigal

Joshua Seigal Wins Reading Rocks Book Award

I am delighted to say that my latest poetry collection, Who Let the Words Out? recently won an award! The book won in the Lower Key Stage Two category in the #RR_BooksAwards, organised by the fantastic Reading Rocks. This is especially pleasing, as it was voted for my teachers and other booklovers. Thank you so much to everyone who voted for me! Here is a little video of me and Bluebell the cat, accepting the award:

Thanks so much everyone, this really means a lot! Find out more about the award here. 

 

Baby in the Staffroom

Ooey-gooey

Coochy-coo

Gather round

To get a view

Can I hold her?

Join the queue – 

Baby in the staffroom!

Legs so tiny

Eyes so wide

Mother swelling

Full of pride 

Laughter getting

Multiplied – 

Baby in the staffroom!

Hair so fluffy

Clothes so clean

Marvel at

The cosy scene

Makes a change

From the routine – 

Baby in the staffroom! 

Things have not gone 

Quite to plan 

The meeting?

It’s gone down the pan

Just tell the Head

It overran – 

Baby in the staffroom!

Ooey-gooey

Coochy-coo

Gather round

To get a view

Can I hold her?

Join the queue – 

Baby in the staffroom!

Joshua Seigal

Patricia

My wife is away so tonight

I’m in bed with Patricia. 

Patricia the Panther – the threadbare toy

my wife got when she was a little girl.

She named it Patricia after her mum’s middle name.

She keeps Patricia in the top of her wardrobe

and bellows at me whenever I threaten

to take her to the charity shop.

Patricia lives with us, rarely acknowledged

yet up there, always.

Tonight my wife is away, so I’ll lie next to Patricia,

her little paws resting on the pillow,

and I’ll kiss her goodnight.

The unseen parts, the prowling past – 

Carrie, I love all of you.

Joshua Seigal

I Can't Read Because...

I’m seriously sick, 

unusually unwell, 

powerfully poorly,

awfully afflicted, 

grimly grotty, 

really, really ropey;

I’ve a dastardly debilitation – 

a bad case of illiteration.

Joshua Seigal

To Those Diagnosed

So this is just a poem, and I’m no doctor, 

but what if you’re not that sick?

What if it’s the world that’s sick,

and you’re just doing your best to live in it,

to live with it? What if you fit imperfectly

into a world that was never built for perfection?

What if everything in the world is wonky,

and for sensing its wonkiness you are in fact

one of its less wonky bits? Hear this:

what if your head and heart are working overtime

for a corrupt boss? What if the world itself

is a corrupt boss – are you sick, or is he?

Listen to me: you’re not as askew as they say you are.

You suffer in a world ripe for suffering.

Take heart from that. And do what you need to do

to ease your pain, but let no one say

you’re sick for the feeling of it.

Joshua Seigal

Poems about Identity, by Year 6

I recently had the pleasure of working with some pupils in Year 6, to create poems on the theme of 'Identity'. I'd like to share a selection here. If you're reading theme poems, then why not use them as stimuli to write your own? See what you can come up with! The first two poems are from pupils at Westminster Under School (London); the rest are from Crosshall Junior School in St Neots. Enjoy!

I’m Made Of 

I’m made of 

the artwork I created

from the tips of my fingers 

I’m made of

the flashing memories

in the back of my mind 

I’m made of 

the gooey heaven of ice cream flavour

bursting in my mouth 

I’m made of 

the dreams and aspirations

I have for the future 

I’m made of 

thrilling moments

in epic movies

I’m made of

the past, present

and future me

I’m made of 

the medals of achievement

I’ve made

What Makes Me Me?

What makes me me is the memories

that I have collected

with family 

like staying up laughing with my cousin 

or playing pranks on my siblings 

watching them scream in fear ang giggling

What makes me me is the food I like to eat 

like fried chicken

and pizza,

fruit

And sweets

What makes me me are the things I like to do 

like the endless void of calm white while I sleep 

or the determined feeling I get when I play dodgeball 

or watching TV

and the immersive sensation of reading

or the pleasure I feel when eating my favourite food 

What makes me me are the qualities

that build my character

I Am Me

I am Japan - its people, food and culture.

I am me, and my dad's delicious pizza

I am the healthy smoothies I blend

I am the friend of many,

owner of a dog,

owner of a company [! - editor]

I am a gamer, a coder, a writer

I love Dragonball, Godzilla, art

I am me.

Me!

I'm made of

the delicious mac and cheese

I eat while watching TV

I'm made of

the cookies I bake with love

every week

I'm made of

the imaginary characters

living in my head

I'm made of

the books I read

all night in bed

I'm Made Of

I'm made of

McDonalds as a birthday treat

I'm made of

macroons, jelly beans, suger and sweets

I'm made of

riding my bike with the wind in my hair

I'm made of

all the kindness for myself to share

Celebrity Children's Author

Since I became a successful children’s author

I’ve been amazed at the opportunities

that have opened up for me. 

Just last week I was asked to play for Man United. 

“But I can barely kick a ball!” I said. 

“Doesn’t matter”, they replied – “the crowd will love you”.

In fact, I’d just come out of the recording studio

where I’d been laying down my debut single.

I sing like a cement mixer, but no one seems to care.

Another thing I can’t do is dance.

This was no impediment to my being invited

to join the Royal Ballet and several breakdance troupes.

Yes, since my latest picture book came out

I’ve been on all the quiz shows, game shows, 

news shows, baking shows, DNA shows, reality shows,

politics shows, farming shows, antique shows,

documentary shows, mockumentary shows,

eating-camel’s-arse-in-the-jungle shows, 

and it’s no wonder: after all, the life of a celebrity 

is the rightful domain of the successful children’s author.

And boy, it shows.

Joshua Seigal 

Gifts From Dad

The other month he showed up

and he gave me a surprise – 

an awesome giant dinosaur

with special laser eyes!

For Christmas I got presents

such as models, games and sweets. 

Whenever birthdays come around

he ladens me with treats.

He frequently pops over

to bestow a bit of cash.

The other week he bought me shoes,

and when I run they flash!

 

These gifts from Dad are lovely;

to complain would be a crime,

but I don’t get what I really want – 

a little of his time.

Joshua Seigal

Lovely poems from Year 6, Sandal Primary School

When I was at school, our teachers often got us to write about the things we got up to over the holidays. The Year 6 teacher at Sandal Primary School recently got in touch to say he class had been writing poems about some of the wacky things they didn't do over the holidays - what a lovely idea for a fun writing activity. I was especially pleased to see that some of their poems mentioned Bluebell, my very silly cat, who has now become infamous throughout the land! I hope you enjoy this selection of poetry as much as I did:

Nobody Really Owns Anything

These words aren’t really mine – 

I’m just renting them from the pencil.

And the pencil doesn’t own the wood – 

it merely rents it from the trees.

And the trees don’t own their roots – 

the ground simply leases it to them. 

And the ground doesn’t own the earth – 

it’s just borrowed from the universe.

And who owns the universe, you ask?

Child, you don’t even own the question.

Joshua Seigal

Wonderful poem from Sophie at Manorside Primary School

Last week I was lucky enough to visit the fantastic Manorside Primary School in Finchley. The school is less than a ten minute walk from where I live, which was nice. I am really happy that Sophie's parents have given me permission to share the poem below, which was written during one of my workshops. Sophie is someone who does not always find school easy, and I think she can be so, so proud of what she has been able to achieve with her marvellous poem. Well done Sophie!

Just Like Me by Sophie

Blue describes me.

It is an ice cream – 

sweet, cold and a treat. 

Blue is a sparkly dress,

a plastic cup,

a rainbow hairband. 

Blue is my favourite colour. 

Blue is the ocea at the beach

on my holiday.

Blue is the sky.

Blue is the peace and quiet. 

I love blue!

It Was Like That When I Got There

after Homer Simpson

The telly’s lying on its side

The shards of glass are hard to hide

The window’s smashed, the hole is wide

But it was like that when I got there. 

Tomato stains are on the rug 

And sparks are flying from the plug 

It wasn’t me who chipped the mug – 

It was like that when I got there.

The goldfish isn’t in her bowl 

The hamster has gone for a stroll

My shoes have dog dirt on the sole

But it was like that when I got there. 

The vase has fallen from the shelf

I know you left me by myself

But it must have been some sort of elf

Since it was like that when I got there!

Joshua Seigal