Chef's Kiss

I dropped the draft of my cook book.

I’d thrown everything that I could in.

Yes I’d worked really hard,

Now it’s covered in lard – 

The proof is in the pudding.

Portacabins

Eton have put in an order.

They require a cabin or two. 

They can’t do their Latin

unless they are sat in

a hut, with a draught blowing through.

Eton have put in an order. 

The cloisters, they’re just not enough.

To bone up on Greek

and the knowledge they seek

they need something a little more rough.

Eton have put in an order.

Apparently pupils learn best

when they’re cooped like a hen

in a little tin pen

while they’re doing their algebra test.

Yes, Eton have put in an order,

since producing the minds of the nation

is not about dosh;

they need nothing that’s posh – 

it just calls for some cool corrugation.

[Education Secretary Gillian Keegan opines that some children like learning in portacabins, after being forced to used them because of crumbling schools]

Teacher sends me a rhyming email

I can't help but get a little pang of excitement whenever an email from a teacher pops up in my inbox. Usually it means that I am in demand for a school visit! However, something truly unique happened to me yesterday: a teacher sent me an inquiry about visiting her school, and it was written in rhyming verse! Since this has never happened before, I asked the teacher's permission to display her poem on this here blog, and I am very grateful to Jackie, from South Hill School in Hemel Hempstead, that she agreed to let me do do. Here is Jackie's email to yours truly: 

Hello Joshua,

I hope that you are fine.

Poetry is also a love of mine.

To get our school motivated, is my plea,

So,   would you kindly be able to help me.

Details of your workshop , please provide

Virtual or real life, we can then decide.

Prices, dates, timings of the day...

To celebrate words in a fun and enlivening way!

I told her that I would love to visit, and gave her some potential dates. She even sent a rhyming reply:

Thanks so much for the prompt reply,

Faster than springtime showers as said that Shakespeare guy!

I will get back to you on dates for the school to book,

And a yes for your blog..for all to have a look!!

Bravo! Other teachers now have a lot to live up to!!

Knock 'Em Dead

I’m zippy, zappy, zany

and I rather like

to fool around;

I’m humorous and wacky 

so just come and watch

my wit abound;

I’m daft, demented, dotty

and I’ll always have

a trick or two – 

a rabbit in a hat, perhaps,

or I’ll produce 

a joke for you;

it’s true so people can't abide

the fact that I’m 

a merry-maker,

but I reckon it’s a HOOT

to have a job

as undertaker. 

'Back to School' poems from Sandal Primary School

When I used to return to school after the summer break, the teacher would often make us recount, sometimes in writing, what we did over the holidays. I remember feeling at a loss as to how to make my account even vaguely interesting. I was especially excited, therefore, when Becca, a Year 6 teacher, got in touch to show me some poems produced by her new class. The poems are all about what the pupils didn't do! This is a great idea, both in terms of stretching the imagination and in terms of providing a scaffold to think of fun rhymes. Here is a small selection of the fantastic poetry I received. I ESPECIALLY like the reference to my cat Bluebell in Alexandra's poem!!