IN WHICH I WRITE AND SING A SONG

One of the main points of sadness in my life is that I lack any proper musical ability. This makes me sorrowful because there is nonetheless a deep sense in which I am a musician: I carry songs around within me in my head wherever I go. These 'songs' are original compositions, it's just that I lack the ability to play a musical instrument or sing sufficiently well to enable most of these tunes to have an existence in the real world, outside of my head. I also never learnt to read music, and the music lessons I had at school, based as they were on classical music and a pedagogy that erred on the side of the highly traditional, left me feeling that music wasn't for me, that I was musically thick. I did learn to play the bass guitar as a teenager, and to strum a few chords on the guitar too, and actually ended up writing probably about twenty songs for a punk band I was in at the time, which you can listen to here. I also wrote a few solo songs and did a few covers under the name Yabyelle, which you can check out here. (Don't ask where the name came from; it is a secret I can never reveal.) But still: I have so much more music in me than is conveyed there, but which I am unable to release. Partly this is because I can't sing very well. Anyway, I wrote a song earlier this week. I started with the lyrics, and then decided to put them to a tune. After having done this, I decided to record myself performing the song. The inspiration I had in mind was Ewan MacColl, who was famous for his acapella recordings of old folk songs. Here is my effort:

I hope I haven't embarrassed myself too much by sharing this video. If by some chance you do enjoy the video, it would mean the world if you could click 'Like'. Here are the lyrics:

LOVE YOU MORE

So the sky is enshrouded with ripples of doubt

and this sink has a blockage I cannot get out

and there’s rain in the day yet in evenings there’s drought

I will only love you more.

So the words they come easy but suddenly stop

and the ceiling is creaking and threatens to drop

and that wardrobe of costumes is merely a prop

I will only love you more

Through the pain and the strain

and the ache of the heart

Through the thoughts that get caught

as our fort falls apart

Through the churning that yearns

for the finish to start

I will only love you more

So the tea on the table’s abandoned and cold

and there’s cat hair and rats where there used to be gold

and the devil once jailed has now been paroled

I will only love you more

So the shadows that creep, they seep in through the cracks

and the money we earned’s now demanded for tax

I just know that this snowstorm will not hold us back

I will only love you more

Through the heat and the sleet

and beat of the drums

Though the ending seems pending

I’m mending the slums

and I’ll go with the flow

for I know you’re the one

and I’ll only love you more

Yes I’ll only love you more