Now milk is very popular;
it floats the public’s boat.
I understand how to milk a cow,
a sheep, a horse or goat.
I even think that I can grasp
the milking of a stoat
but i can’t begin to fathom
how the fuck to milk an oat.
What are the facts of milking flax
or hemp, or a cashew?
It’s not the same as milking
a giraffe or kangaroo.
If you hand me a hazelnut
and ask me for a brew,
I wouldn’t have the slightest notion
what the hell to do.
It’s not so far beyond me
how you just might milk some mice
(you wouldn’t get an awful lot;
it’s probably not nice)
but to know this information
can’t begin to quite suffice
in giving you instructions how
the fuck you’d milk some rice.
The milking of an almond nut
gives my poor brain unrest.
To milk a fucking coconut?
The thought just leaves me stressed.
I couldn’t milk a soya been
however hard I pressed:
the sad fact of the matter is
it hasn’t any breasts.
