ALTERNATIVE FACTS

This is not a punch

It’s an alt-kiss

This is not a gun

It’s an alt-flower

This is not shrapnel

It’s alt-glitter

This is not fire

It’s an alt-rainbow

This is not war
It's alt-peace

This is not death

It’s alt-life

This is not a poem

It’s an alt-revolution

MAPLIN MAN

In a world of commotions, emotions and feelings,

and other such things that can leave a man reeling,

a bloke likes to hope for some comfort and healing –

a space to relax and unwind.

A place to be safe from life’s ripples and eddies,

a place that is faithful and constant and steady,

a place where the pace isn’t hectic or heady –

a place where you know what you’ll find...

SO COME TO MAPLIN!

Come sup at our table!

You know where you are with a USB cable!

A lithium battery won’t ever leave you!

A socket adapter won’t cheat or deceive you!

YES COME TO MAPLIN!

Rejoice in our manor!

Forget your divorce with a printer and scanner!

Your daughter’s gone missing? Well, over you trundle –

come blow all your woes on our motherboard bundle.

In here there’s no tricksters or Machiavellis,

Just PC components and oversized tellies,

and dual format soundbars, yes come fill your wellies

and pray at our altar of light.

Our trained Maplin chaplains, they know how to guide you.

So you have been let down and you have been lied to?

A broadband extender flex will not deride you -

in Maplin your future is bright.

YES COME TO MAPLIN!

Be part of our union!

Kneel down in the pew of electric communion!

Your dad’s had a stroke and your mum broke her hip?

Throw pain down the drain with an LED strip.

OH COME TO MAPLIN!

Be king of the castle!

Come dress all your stress in predictable parcels.

Come flatten your feelings with MP3 players

at your best-loved high street electrics purveyors.

At MAPLIN you’re cushty, you’re cuddled, you’re cared for,

so come get some hand tools and fill up your man drawer.

With Vodafone dongles you won't have a tiff.

A Behringer microphone's never not stiff.

At MAPLIN you’re safe now, the world’s in a lull.

A monitor won’t call you ‘nerdy’ or ‘dull’.

A portable speaker won’t steal your wife.

So come down to MAPLIN

and feast

on your life. 

Poems About Social Media by My Students

Grown ups are very fond of moaning about how young people today allegedly 'have it easy'. I don't agree. I think the lives of young people today are much more challenging than they were when I was at school. Back in my day, if you were bullied you could at least go home and shut the door. If you fancied someone who didn't fancy you back you could go and hang out with other people, and forget about it. Nowadays we are all so perennially 'connected' that such things are not possible. Social media is a 24/7 business. I delight in ignoring most of it now, but I dread to think of the toll it would have taken on my mental health had the likes of Snapchat and Whatsapp, and even Facebook, been available when I was at school. With this in mind, the students at my weekly lunch club wrote poems based on their perceptions of social media. Some of them were a bit weird, but they all contained interesting and astonishingly poetic observations.

Social Media by Safiyah

Social media is where you can stalk

all the Youtubers.

Social media is where you can upload

whatever you want:

pictures, videos, comments.

Social media is where you can talk

to your friends and family.

Social media is where you get bullied,

from the mean comments

to the rude edits on photos.

Social media is my life.

My everything.

Talk by Taniya

I’d give my target away

I’d even give you my gravity today

Just talk to me okay?

You never talk to me

And you never even face me

Your eye is on the diamond

But let me be your silver lining

Don’t just text

Or you’ll be gone from me in a second

You never come when you’re needed

So I ask you one thing…

Let me be your phone

So you’ll never leave me alone.

Media by Sathana

The earth

The eye

The world

The seasons

Me

You

Why

When

How

Who

What

Where

I

Can’t

Cope

Anything

Living

Dying

Nope

Both aren’t

Options

Media

Manipulation

And finally,

Propaganda