YOU BET!

(Tories face betting scandals, June 2024) 

Did they ruin the nation? YOU BET!

Was there huge devastation? YOU BET!

Did they cause conflagration

And lethal mutation

Throughout their duration? YOU BET!

Did they lie, cheat and steal? YOU BET!
Was their rule an ordeal? YOU BET!
Did their tenure reveal 

A sleaze so unreal

We’ll reject them with zeal? YOU BET!

Are they on their way out? YOU BET!
Have they lost all their clout? YOU BET!
Will it soon come about

That they’re facing a rout?

Let us all give a shout of YOU BET!

Joshua Seigal 

Reform UK - list of candidates

Has your Reform UK candidate ever done or said anything dodgy? Why not have a look through is abercedarian poem, and find out!

THOSE REFORM UK CANDIDATES IN FULL 

A is for Andy who once kicked a dog 

B is for Brenda, a true demagogue

C is for Charlie who liked racist tweets

D is for Dave, spreading hate in the streets

E is for Ethel who praised the SS

F is for Fred, in blackface fancy dress

G is for George, saying ‘Hitler was right’

H is for Herbert who isn’t that bright

I is for Ian, who once smacked a kitten

J is for Jack – you should see what he’s written!

K is for Kate, who blames boats for her woes

L is for Liam in Sieg Heil pose

M is for Martin who hates immigration

N is for Norman who fights for his nation

O is for Oliver, red in the face

P is for Polly who’s saving her race

Q is for Quentin who screamed ‘Communist!’ 

R is for Robbie who always seems pissed

S is for Simon who once slapped a sheep 

T is for Tom, cursing Blacks in his sleep 

U is for Ursula, reading the Mail 

V is for Vince, shouting ‘Throw them in jail!’ 

W is Wally, who once punched a moose

X is a bloke shouting ‘Bring back the noose!’

Y is Yvonne, drowning cats in a lake 

Z is for Zainab who joined by mistake

Joshua Seigal 

Wild

It’s written in books that

in order to find yourself

you need to cut yourself off,

to leave and to go out into the wild,

on your own. 

I’ve found that the opposite is true:

I’ve only known myself since I started loving you. 

To find myself is to know

what it means to love,

with its vines of messy, knotted imperfection.

I couldn’t do this by myself.

For what is the self but love?

And what is love but a tangled bridge

between two arid shores?

Joshua Seigal 

The Food Of Love

You’re a great cook, but tonight the food

looks like sick. It looks like sick and smells

like sick. I can barely bring myself to put the spoon

into the bowl. This is not your fault;

anxiety does this to me. On better days 

your food is restaurant-quality. I devour it like

I’m consuming the fruits of love itself. But tonight

it looks like sick. I’ll eat it slowly, tenatively,

like I’m feeding my lost self back into myself,

the self that feels sick, because that’s really

what this is – it’s not about you, it’s about me, 

the way love can turn my stomach both that way

and this. Either way, you are great – my lost self

surely knows it. And you’re a great cook,

even though tonight the food, well, looks like sick.

Joshua Seigal

When It Mattered

For Rishi Sunak, on D-Day

He was present at Winchester, swanning about

He was present at Oxford, of that there’s no doubt

He was present at Stanford, displaying great flair

But when it mattered, he wasn’t there

He was present in Finances, hoovering cash

He was present in Richmond, with verve and with flash

He was present and wed to a billionaire

But when it mattered, he wasn’t there

He was present in Covid, Eat Out to Help Out 

He did battle with Truss and emerged with great clout

He was present as leader and looked debonnaire

But when it mattered, he wasn’t there

He was present at Downing Street, soaked as a rat

He chips in with his thoughts about this, about that

See, the man is a fan of publicity’s glare 

But when it mattered… he wasn’t there 

Joshua Seigal

I try to live my life like I'm writing

a poem. Basically, I don’t know what I’m doing,

but I know part of what I want – I want all concerned

to think the experience worthwhile.

I want some sort of shape, but I don’t want it

to be determined by what has gone before, or

the preconceptions of others. I put hard work into it,

and I want it to sing. I don’t want too many awkward

allusions that few will grasp, but I always know

there will be a portion of people who don’t get it

anyway. It’s written partly for writing’s sake. And

this perhaps is the crucial thing: sometimes I need

a break.

Joshua Seigal

Inspiring poems from Ella, Year 6

This week, Ms Russell from Badsley Primary School in Rotherham got in to touch say that one of her Year 6 students, Ella, had written some poems in her own free time. She sent me these poems to read, and I was so impressed I asked if I could put Ella's poems on my blog. I was delighted when Ella agreed. As you'll see, these poems explore some very powerful emotions, and are brave and candid. Well done Ella, you should be very proud of yourself!

As Scared As Me

Somewhere,

perhaps in a bedroom across the world, 

sits a boy as scared as me. 

He doesn’t know me

and I don’t know him,

but I’m sure he’s there. 

His brow is sweaty just like mine,

and as with me, tears prick at his eyes. 

I can’t tell my parents

and he can’t tell his. 

We are each alone, 

yet connected in our fear. 

I stretch out my arm

around this planet we call home,

and I hold the boy’s hand. 

I feel its warmth, its grip. 

I feel his blood pumping. 

He doesn’t know me

and I don’t know him, 

yet here we are,

holding each other’s loneliness.

Joshua Seigal