I DON'T WANNA LIVE IN THE METAVERSE

I don’t wanna live in a virtual hell

No heart, no soul, just an empty shell

An ersatz future? Nothing worse – 

I don’t wanna live in the Metaverse

I don’t wanna roam down a virtual street

Bleeping with the androids I happen to meet

I don’t want bitcoin in my purse – 

I don’t wanna live in the Metaverse

I don’t wanna live in Frankenstein’s lab

Lying like a zombie on a digital slab 

Stick this spaceship in reverse!

I don’t wanna live in the Metaverse

I don’t want a microchip in my brain

As I’m bashed and smashed with a cyber cane 

You say ‘progress’, I say ‘curse’ – 

I don’t wanna live in the Metaverse 

Yes call me a Luddite, if you will

I don’t wanna be Mr Zuckerberg’s shill

I’d rather sleep in a wooden hearse

Than spend my life in his Metaverse!

PERFORMANCE ART

NURSERY

I’m a stegosaurus, I told her. 

She replied that a real stegosaurus

wouldn’t know it was a stegosaurus;

still less would it be able

to articulate the fact.

We weren’t friends after that.

ANIMAL EMOTION POEMS from Cranleigh Prep School

This academic year I am very much honoured to be Patron of Reading at Cranleigh Prep School in Surrey. This involves several visits throughout the year, working with various groups of pupils. I am really excited to share a selection of wonderful, albeit quite strange, poems written by students in Year 8. The task was to write about an emotion as though it were an animal. Here are some really imaginative examples:

DONKEY by ALEX

How to describe Donkey?

The eyes full of pain and regret,

enough to last over a lifetime.

The nose, with a slight but consistent drip, 

twitching like it is its own animal, but nay, 

it is a part of Donkey. 

The ears, droopy and dark, 

floppy and unmoving, seeming like they are

not alive, until they move, 

letting me know it is active. 

Its tail and fur, matted and knotted, 

unable to be helped. 

And finally, his knees and feet, scarred, 

bored, knobbled and bent. 

After all, this is the Donkey of Depression. 

THE BULL OF RAGE by Archie

Enter the ring

And it will follow the red,

Its rage will carry from left to right,

Its rage will last from day to night. 

Stay still, and the Bull of Rage 

Will move in for the kill

With its horrendous horns.

The horns within your home. 

The Bull of Rage

Will release its rage upon you. 

The Bull of Rage

Will never stop. 

THE SHARK OF TEMPTATION by Isla

The shark of red,

the fish of blue,

is guilty of temptation

to eat you. 

His teeth clash and scrape

whilst his prey tries to escape. 

But when it’s done

and there is none

the shark of red

becomes the fish of blue,

his fiery eyes turn

to watery eyes of guilt and shame.

A life-changing moment with my therapist

A few years ago I had an interaction with my therapist that has gone on to shape my life in profound ways. I was engaged to my now wife, and in a state of mental anguish. I was suffering from incessant, obsessive ruminations regarding the engagement, and the leap I was about to make. I was worried about whether my choice to marry my partner was the 'correct' one. This is in fact a fairly common source of rumination, and some people designate it as a form of OCD known as Relationship OCD (ROCD). For me, my anxiety took on a spiritual dimension. I remember telling my therapist that I wish there were a divine, omniscient being that could somehow 'rubber stamp' my decision and thus provide me with the security I felt I needed going forward.

It was then that my therapist uttered the five words that changed my life. She said to me: "You have the rubber stamp". I'll say that again with emphasis: "YOU have the rubber stamp". In other words, I do not need anyone else, divine or otherwise, to say what I should or shouldn't do when it comes to such an immensely personal decision. The autonomous locus of choice lies within myself. I have the power to affirm the validity of my own decisions. 

Such a simple concept, yet to the anxious mind a source of immense, emancipatory wonder. We are each gods in our own domain. I am delighted to say that the decision to marry my wife was the best one I have ever made. I know that she is the one that god has chosen for me, because in making the choice I became my own god. If such language seems blasphemous, feel free to change the word 'god' to 'guru' or 'expert'. We each are the experts when it comes to our own lives. And we each get to have the power to decide whether the choices we make turn out to be the correct ones. It didn't happen by magic or accident that I made the 'correct' choice in marrying my wife; I work hard every day to make sure it was the correct choice. I put work into my relationship. 

I hope this little personal anecdote can serve as comfort to those who are suffering in the way that I did, and still sometimes do. I do not believe there is a being in the sky judging us. I believe our power lies within ourselves. 

Poetry Ideas For Little Ones

Here are some ideas for poetry writing which I have recently used, with some success, with little ones.

Rhyming couplets

Similes

                                                                metaphors and repetition

HUNGRY

My stomach is empty.

I’m waiting for lunch – 

a sandwich, some crisps

and an apple to munch. 

The clock isn’t moving.

My tummy is growling.

The lesson is dull and

my insides are howling.

I’ve opened my book

but my brain’s feeling dense;

the words and the numbers

are not making sense.

I wish I could eat

and then play on the grass!

I guess I’ll just have to 

keep teaching my class.

THE HYPOCHONDRIAC

He was too busy

Googling ‘have I got cancer?’

While crossing the road