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Monday, 3 September 2018

Spaghetti Betty and the Spag-Bol Troll - FREE STORY

Several years ago I wrote a series of what I hoped would become rhyming picture book texts. They went through some edits at a major publisher, but they were not taken on. They have been hawked around various agents and publishers, but nobody wants to publish them. No matter! They are not doing much good festering away on some computer file, so I thought I would make them available on this blog for people to enjoy/ignore at will. Here is the first story, entitled SPAGHETTI BETTY AND THE SPAG-BOL TROLL. Lemme know what you think!....

There was a beast named Big Bad Betty
who really, really loathed spaghetti. 
If she saw some on a plate
she’d give a look of fearsome hate
and bellow with an angry howl:
She couldn’t stand the stuff, you see.

The villagers, they loved spaghetti
but they were scared of Big Bad Betty.
They built a big room underground
where their stash would not be found.
They stacked it high upon the shelves
with help from their spaghetti elves
and locked the big door with a clink. 
But Betty said “what do they think?
Do they think I have no brain?
They’re hiding spaghetti yet again!”

So with her only friend, the Troll, 
she grabbed a spade and dug a hole.
By the light of the shining moon
they tunnelled down and reached the room
with the huge spaghetti stores,
and they destroyed it with their claws. 

When next the villagers wanted tea
they went to fetch their spaghetti
and found it torn upon the ground.
A better plan had to be found!
Then Harold had a bright idea:
“We don’t have anything to fear!
Let’s have Betty round for tea!
I promise it’ll work! You’ll see!”

So for Betty’s evening meal
the villagers prepared some veal,
and beef and pork and lamb and frog
and octopus and crow and dog.
They made a dusting of gnats and germs,
sprinkled it on a plate of worms
and invited Betty round to eat
from a tray of tasty treats. 

And Betty growled, “they know, the fools
that I am smarter than them all!
That’s why they’ve invited me
to sit and have a champion’s tea!”
So with her only friend, the Troll,

she went to eat the great big bows
of animals, and gnats and germs.
And her favourite dish – the plate of worms!
She ate the lot, she sucked and slurped
then settled down to eat dessert.
She licked her big bad lips with glee:
What have they prepared for me?

Then Harold coughed and cleared his throat
and served her up a little note:

“Those weren’t gnats, they were confetti!
And those weren’t worms, they were 

At first Betty was very cross:
“How could they trick me? I’m the boss!”
But then she thought, “I love my meat,
and now I’ve found another treat.”

So every year, on that same date
the villagers prepare a plate
of oozing, slimy, slick spaghetti
and share it with ‘SPAGHETTI BETTY’.

And Betty loves her nice new name.
She thought the Troll should have the same,
so now when she sits down to eat
a plate of spaghetti with meat,
she always prepares a nice big bowl
for one of many  friends –

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