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Friday, 7 September 2018


Following on from Monday's free, unpublished (unpublishable?) story, here is a second instalment. Enjoy!

There was a homesick pirate.
His name was Billy Bunn.
One night in bed he made a wish – 
he thought it might be fun

to hop aboard a pirate ship
instead of going to school.
I don’t know why, I guess he thought
it would be pretty cool.

But suddenly he found himself
aboard a ship that stank,
where the pirates kept on threatening
to make him walk the plank. 

They hoisted up their filthy flag,
they guzzled down their rum,
it wasn’t fun like Billy thought – 
he wailed for his mum.

There was mouse poo in the porridge,
there were rats in all the bunks,
the pirates teased young Billy
and put lobsters down his trunks

so he dashed up to the crow’s nest
to escape their nasty jeers,
and there he saw his best mate Suzie
cowering in fear.

Billy, shocked, asked with amazement,
“why aren’t you at school?”
And Suzie said, “last night
I made a wish! I was a fool!

These grubby brutes are evil!”
But then Suzie gave a grin:
“I bet you if we stick together
We could fight, and win!”

So they rushed back down together
and they gathered up the rats,
they plonked them in the jugs of rum
and in the pirates’ hats!

They tied one to the railings
and another to the sail,
they hurled one overboard
where he was gobbled by a whale!

They let off all the canons
and they charged around the deck
throwing lobsters at the pirates – 
they were causing quite a wreck... 

...until, quite unexpectedly
the pirates froze with fear,
for there on the horizon
a much bigger ship drew near.

The pirates begged and pleaded
with young Billy and young Sue:
“the captain of that ship is TEN TIMES WORSE
than us, or you!

They call him Captain Crunch-Yer-Bones,
The Demon of the Seas,
he’ll make a porridge from your skull,
your ribs, your arms and knees!

We need to stick together!
the pathetic pirates squealed – 
“Suzie, you can navigate!
And Billy – grab the wheel!”

They steered the ship across the sea,
the Demon’s ship gave chase,
they dived and tumbled over waves – 
it was a brutal race!

They bounced and bounded over rocks
as Billy manned the rudder,
until with a momentous CRASH
they halted with a judder.

They all collapsed with swollen heads,
the wind had left their sail.
Billy peered overboard – 
their ship had struck the whale!

The pirates gulped and shuddered
and one even wet his pants – 
the Demon’s ship had caught them
and they didn’t stand a chance.

Yet Billy Bunn prepared to fight,
his heart beat like a drum!
But who was that who leapt on board?
 It wasn’t Crunch, but...

She gathered Billy in her arms
and this is what she quipped:
“I made a wish, last night, to be
on board a pirate ship,

but I missed you so stupendously
I fought with Captain Crunch,
I commandeered the vessel 
and ate his bones for my lunch!

I followed you for miles and miles,
across the sea I chased,
and now, darling, I’ve GOT YOU!”
Then she kissed his blushing face, 

and they all went home together – 
they were just in time for tea.
And Billy Bunn, he sailed them there – 
it was quite fun, you see.

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