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Tuesday, 24 November 2020


I think it's really important to acknowledge that whilst lockdown has been extremely tough for many people, there have also been some upsides. With this in mind, I was extremely honoured when Jonathon got in touch with me via email to share some work that his daughter Iris had produced during her time in lockdown. I am really happy that he gave permission for me to display one of Iris's poems on my blog. The poem below was written when she was 8 (she is 9 now, I am told), and it captures some of the positives of lockdown. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Well done Iris!

Sunday, 22 November 2020

New tongue-twisty food poem


I’m a fish aficionado

and I ‘ave an avocado 

I bake bagels with bravado

cake and steak I make to munch

I prepare a pair of pastries

and lick liquorice that’s lacy

as I race with haste to face the

taste of my tongue-twisting lunch.

Wednesday, 11 November 2020


Throat dry

Chest tight

Can’t sleep

At night

Hands clammy

Feel sick

Want my mummy

Get her quick!

Squeaky bottom

Foggy head

Looming horror

Lurking dread

Got the fear

Feel the burn...

Have to do

My tax return

Tuesday, 10 November 2020


Mind control by Billy Gates

Lizards running global states

I don’t care, I cannot wait


Microchips that sap your soul

Receiving beams from 5G poles

That stand upon those grassy knolls


Cooked up in a hidden lab

So Mossad agents can keep tabs

I want it now, I crave that jab


Plots by Soros and the Dems

Things the righteous should condemn

And Zionists (it’s always them)


David Icke? Just let him be

And QAnon might well agree

But less for them is more for me


Saturday, 7 November 2020


The part of us that won’t face up

The part of us that lies

The part of us that wants our way

or else it kicks and cries

The part of us that strains so hard

to disregard the facts

The part of us that lashes out

and primally reacts

The part of us that turns our face

away from right and wrong

The part of us that blocks the path

for others to belong 

The part of us that yearns to rule

and seeks to dominate

The part of us that shrinks from love

and gravitates to hate

The part of us that’s gone askew 

The part that’s got the hump...

We all have to do battle with

our inner Donald Trump

Wednesday, 4 November 2020


I have a dreadful secret and it makes me want to cry.

Outside I’ve got street spirit but inside I’m high and dry. 

You might be optimistic but don’t be in any doubt:

this spectre scratches at my chest and threatens to fade out.

I walk bedecked in bishop’s robes, a trickster in the town,

but if you pulled the ripcord my facade would be let down.

It leaves me all in limbo and demolishes my cred:

although I seem a cool kid, I don’t like Radiohead. 

While others call them genius I find their tunes a chore.

It gives me an ill wind; it’s like a wolf is at my door.

It leaves me feeling paranoid when others preach their class;

apart from ‘Creep’ and ‘Karma Police’ I simply can’t be arsed. 

I think it sounds all scatterbrained. I dislike Thom Yorke’s voice.

You say it’s like molasses but it doesn’t make me moist.

I get it, they’re original and technical pioneers;

my brain retains this knowledge but it doesn’t sate my ears.

Perhaps I’m just a tourist and I need to make amends

but honey, I can’t help it if their songs give me the bends.

So go on, get your knives out and them hold them to my throat:

I’d rather listen to the bleatings of a billy goat. 

Yes take your chant of ‘burn the witch’ and say it to my face.

To me their music’s like a jigsaw falling out of place.

Just call me an imposter, or an android, if you choose

but I’m not a fan of Radiohead. And also I hate Muse.

Tuesday, 27 October 2020



When hunkering down in your house

Just dine on some lobster and grouse

And if you’re unable

To stock up your table

I simply don’t care. I’m a louse. 


Avoid seeming stony and callous

Put sweetness of heart over malice

Just toddle down straight

To your wrought-iron gate

And throw crumbs to the plebs from your palace

Monday, 26 October 2020


Yesterday I hugged my teacher,

giving her a kiss. 

You might be somewhat startled

that I got away with this. 

I know it’s rather odd;

the situation is, in sum:

my teacher is my teacher

but she also is my mum.

Saturday, 24 October 2020


















(Conservative Party refuses to extend free school meals into half term, despite the fact that lots of children and their families are starving. They then whinge about being called 'scum' by a Labour MP)

Monday, 19 October 2020


This Halloween is different

to the ones in years gone by.

The horrors that it has in store

will truly make you cry. 

It’s full of shocking happenings

and lots of ghoulish creatures

with hearts of heinous evil

and with no redeeming features.

This Halloween is not the same

as others in the past.

The panic that it offers up

will leave you all aghast. 

It’s filled with immorality

and fearful degradations. 

It’s packed with total bitterness

and dark prognostications. 

This Halloween, however,

you don’t need to leave your home.

To get a taste of terror

you are not required to roam.

To give yourself the jitters

and a dosage of the blues

just sit down at the table

and then open up the news.

Friday, 16 October 2020


Greet each new day

the way your cat greets you

when you walk in from work. 

For when you left

she had no idea

you’d return;

in her limited mind

each of your departures

could have been your last.

So greet each new day

the way your cat greets you

when you walk through that door:

a gentle smile,

a flick of the tail

and carry on.

Thursday, 15 October 2020


I’m waiting for my darling

while she goes and sits her test.

She’s spent all year preparing

and I hope she does her best. 

She’s always been my baby

and my nerves are getting frayed. 

I really hope she passes.

I’ve petitioned and I’ve prayed.

I’m trying to be mindful,

yes I’m trying to keep cool.

I hope that she will do me proud

and not end up a fool.

They told me when I left her

she’d be done by half past three... 

I can’t stand waiting for my car

to have its MOT.

Wednesday, 14 October 2020

Awesome poem from one of my recent workshops

 Blue by Beatrix, Year 5

I’m blue

Right now i’m surfing but

when I feel dumb I can be ink in school

uniform and learn algebra and comprehension

When I feel dangerous I can turn into 

a huge wave or rain and

flood a city in five minutes

When things seem blurry

I can go into a new born child

and see the world better

When I feel crazy I can turn into

a rock star’s dyed hair or their guitar

When I feel calm

I could make a flower bloom

When I feel tense I turn into

a yoga mat and watch people

do amazing things 

If I want to see everyone I go to the sky

When I need energy I go to a river

I feel power sometimes 

and when the day is up

I go with the other colours 

to watch the sun set.

Monday, 12 October 2020



The flight of the notes as the orchestra starts

The way that a painting grabs hold of your heart

The words in the novel that make you feel seen

The gasp in your lungs as you're hooked by the screen

The tears in your eyes as you hear the song

The darers and dreamers that help you belong

The years that you give to achieving your goal

The feeling as life slips beyond your control

The anger and fear when they don’t understand

and simply expect a reboot and rebrand

For it’s no use to merely keep us alive

unless we have something to help our souls thrive.

above: a recent image put out by HM Government

Wednesday, 7 October 2020

RETRAINING (for Rishi Sunak)

The poet retrained as a carpenter

but his words became wooden

The poet retrained as a gardener

but his verses wouldn’t bloom

The poet retained as an athlete

but he couldn’t run with it

The poet retrained as a pilot

but the idea wouldn’t fly

The poet retrained as a train driver

but he went off the rails

The poet retrained as a banker

but was left counting the cost

The poet retrained as a grave worker

but he couldn't dig it

So the poet retrained as a politician

and became a wanker.

Tuesday, 6 October 2020

A WORLD WITH NO ART (for Rishi Sunak)

A world with no art

Is a world with no colour

A world with no art

Is a world with no soul

A world with no art

Is a world with no feeling

A world with no art

Is a world that’s not whole

A world with no art

Is a world with no vision

A world with no art

Is a world with no breath

A world with no art

Is a world that’s not living

A world with no art

Is a place of pure death

A world with no art

Is a world with no meaning

A world with no art

Is a world that is lost

A world with no art

Is a world with no dreaming 

A world with no art

Is left counting the cost

A world with no art

Is a world packed with numbers

A world with no art’s

Full of robots in suits

A world with no art

Is a world with no future

A world with no art

Has forgotten its roots