'IF' FOR TEACHERS

If you can keep your voice when all about you

Are using theirs to bellow over you;

If you can dish out rules when all kids flout you

But see the humour in their flouting too;

If you can care and not get tired of caring

Or, being dissed, maintain a steady poise,

Or, being sworn at, not give way to swearing,

And see the stillness in amongst the noise;

If you can plan but not make plans your mistress;

If you can chill and have a nice weekend;

If you can still take care of all your business

And not let children drive you round the bend;

If you can bare to see the gifts you’ve given

Received by ingrates with a sullen grunt,

Or feel the fuel diminish, but stay driven

And smile when the Head is being a…difficult person to work with;

If you can make an ally of a parent

And both look out for what you think is best

For Little Johnny when he has been errant

And hasn’t done his work or passed his test;

If you can force your brain and heart and sinew

To teach the things that Ofsted says you should,

And so make sure the governors don’t bin you

And that the school maintains its place as ‘Good’;

If you can talk with yobs and keep composure

Or plug away when they don't give a damn;

If you can act when there’s been ‘a disclosure’

And not display the news on Instagram;

If you can keep calm while you have to wing it

With sixty minutes worth of ‘drama games’,

Yours is the class, and everything that’s in it

And – which is more – you might not go insane.

The First Thing You Should Know

is that this poem won’t save you.
You won’t find what you’re looking for
among its little symbols.

You should know that this poem
was written on a manky notepad
with a half-empty biro. You can’t
stuff your soul with paper;
you can’t void the void with a pen. 

You are falling. This poem is just
something to read on the way down.
This poem won’t save you.
That’s the first thing you should know. 

The second thing you should know is

WHAT AM I?

I shine like a diamond.

I rain like cats and dogs.

I’m not begging for change,

I’m begging for change.

I’m not doing this for my benefit.

I’m as soft as a feather,

as fierce as a lion,

as fast a cheetah

and as small as a mouse.

I am more than meets the eye.

I’m always a bridesmaid,

never a bride.

I am like a kid in a candy store.

Avoid me like the plague.

A: a cliché. 

Advice to Writers

You don’t need to use ‘howled’ or ‘growled’

or ‘yowled’ or ‘cried’ or ‘muttered’.

You don’t have to say ‘wailed’ or ‘wept’

or ‘yelled’ or ‘roared or ‘stuttered’.

You don’t have to use ‘moaned’ or ‘groaned’

or ‘sobbed’ or ‘griped’ or ‘grumbled’.

You don’t need to say ‘giggled’, ‘sniggered’,

‘snorted’, ‘sighed’ or ‘mumbled’.

You don’t need to ‘expectorate’,

‘reveal’, 'confess' or ‘cachinnate’.

You don’t need to ‘affirm’, ‘allege’,

‘deliver’ or ‘pontificate’.

These words all have their uses

but maintain a level head:

sometimes, when you’re writing,

it’s OK to just say ‘said’. 

Is Love the Opposite of Science?

Obviously they are not strict opposites, in the sense that if you look in the dictionary you will not find one defined in terms of the negation of the other. What follows is not rigorous philosophical analysis so much as an attempt to make a profound point in a scattered, imperfect and perhaps awkward way.

Let’s start with science. A cornerstone of science is that scientists change their minds if the evidence demands it. They construct hypotheses to account for observed phenomena, and then rigorously test these hypotheses, altering them or abandoning them as the evidence demands. Some hypotheses stand the test of time, and others don’t, but in order to have any validity a scientific hypothesis must be, in principle at least, capable of being proved wrong. In the words of philosopher Karl Popper, it must be ‘falsifiable’.

Love, it seems to be, is the opposite of this. It is unconditional, not falsifiable. The psychotherapist David Richo writes that love “is an unconditional response to what is, rather than a conditioned response to what we have learned.” In other words, love does not shift to fit the ‘evidence’; it integrates everything. It is in this context that we can see that the phrase “I just don’t love you any more” doesn’t make much sense – if you can stop loving someone then it wasn’t really love in the first place.

This might suggest that love is something that just happens to us, out of the blue. However, I don’t think this is true. The genesis of love is commitment, which is governed by choice. We choose to love someone unconditionally. Those of us who think of love as primarily a feeling will find this idea a bit weird – we can’t choose what we feel, can we? – but love is not (just) a feeling, it is action, or a commitment to undertake a course of action.

How does this relate to science? I’m not sure, except to say that gathering ‘evidence’ doesn’t strike me as an especially helpful way of deciding whether or not to embark on a course of loving someone. We might need a certain threshold, some indication that our partner is basically reliable and sensible, say. But love will always involve an element of risk. A commitment to loving is not a commitment to examine the evidence but a commitment to act in the light of incomplete evidence and the possibility of pain and disappointment.

I said at the beginning that my thoughts would be scattered, imperfect and awkward. Love itself is all of these things, so perhaps any treatment of it in writing demands nothing less. 

POEMS FOR MOTHER'S DAY

I recently worked with a group of students to produce poems for Mothers Day. I started by asking them to write (or draw) TEN OBJECTS that are particularly important to them. We then used these objects to create metaphors describing their mums. This is a very simple technique, and it can be used to create poems about anyone and anything. Here are some examples produced by the students at my weekly lunch club at Plashet School:

You Are by Eliona

You are the key to my heart

You are the light showing me directions

You are my sweater keeping me warm

You are my pillow keeping me comfy

You are my umbrella protecting me from the rain

You are my teddy bear keeping me company

You are always by my side

I Love You by Fatima

I love you mum

because you gave me everything

I love you

I love you because

you gave me a gift

I love you

I love you like a star

shines bright in the sky

I love you

because you make me happy

because you laughed

My Mum by Safia

You are my book

When I open you

You get me laughing and excited

You are my sunshine

My shining star!

My TV

When you turn on

I’m really happy

You Are by Farha

You are my star
always leading the way
You are my key
always opening up new places in me
You are my glasses
always opening up my eyes
You are my umbrella
always protecting me from the rain/sun
You are my boat
always holding me up

You Are by Safiyah

You are my phone
My privacy
You are my chicken curry and rice
My favourite food
You are my anime
Thriller, Adventure, Horror, Romance
You are my medals
The achievements I've earned
You are my books
You are my glasses
My shield
You are my merchandise
Everything I cherish
You are my life
My everything