ON LEAVING A SELF-HELP BOOK IN THE SCHOOL STAFF ROOM

I left a book in the staff room. 

Not just any book either; it was

a self-help guide for anxiety. It was

something to fill in the cracks

of the day, a flicker of a bulb

to help guide the way, but I worried

that this part of me that I’d left behind

didn’t display my most admirable side.

Would the teachers who found it

know that it was mine? And did this mean

that they would think twice

before inviting me back next time?

Would they peak through it

and see the bits I’d underlined,

highlighting the areas where

my problems reside?

I felt like what I’d left was something akin

to a naked picture, my bits

dangling for all to see -- 

a stark image

of a distorted me.

Of course I could have denied

that it was my book. Or I could

have hoped that no one would notice

or look. I could have not gone back 

to claim it, leaving everyone wondering

which member of staff it was with issues,

who wasn’t quite right in the head,

who was fit for the funny farm.

I wondered if it might cause alarm

that I was seriously ill, and that

even though we’re generally better

than we were at mental health, 

I was still not to be trusted with kids.

So I hunched into myself outside the door

as creatures debated inside my head,

weighing up whether to go back in,

my mind a see-saw, when suddenly

that bulb again: I saw

that if I can’t be myself 

then who can I be?

If I can’t be myself then what’s the point

of all the poetry?

What’s the point in helping others

find their voice when my own cowers

in the shadows? Why blunt the teeth

of my tiger while the other ones roar?

What is it all for?

And before anything else,

behind the labels ‘poet’, ‘entertainer’, 

‘workshop leader’, there is a more

fundamental reality: I am a human,

with all that that entails.

Sometimes strong and sometimes frail.

I needed to break out

of this jail and not run away

from who I really am.

As a bush is to thorns,

as a rainbow is to rain,

as a sprawling metropolis is

to its grimy backstreets

so are we to our weaknesses.

As a ladder is to the gaps

between its slats, 

so are we to our flaws.

I did go in to get the book, 

shoulders held back, 

spine as straight as I could make it, 

and if there’s one thing to take from it

I would say this:

Whatever you’ve left behind,

unloved and untamed, 

go and claim it. 

Let others read the book

of who you truly are, 

see the scribbles in the margins

and the places where the pages

have been folded down.

Let your bits hang down for all to see.

Let your world be scribbled on

by the poetry of reality.

Let others think and say

whatever they want

as you leave your books

in staff rooms, classrooms, 

meeting halls, offices,

bars, pubs and streets.

Your word is your world.

Let them read.

NATIONAL POETRY DAY 2019 - 'TRUTH'

I am delighted to be an official Ambassador for National Poetry Day on 3rd October 2019. This is the fourth year I have been an Ambassador, and I am always struck by the imaginative work that pupils in my workshops produce on the given theme. I was partly inspired to write the following poem by reading Rachel Rooney's piece Nobody Knows on the CLPE Website. What interested me was the title, and the notion that each of us might contain a truth (real or imaginary) that nobody else knows. What I did was take this idea, and write the following poem, which is exclusively for NPD 2019 and this years theme of 'Truth'):

Nobody Knows This

Nobody knows this

but just beneath my skin

a volcano is preparing

to blast. 

Behind these eyes,

inside the prison

of my ribs, magma

bubbles silently. 

Smoke is filling

the cavern of my chest

as fire flicks the basement

of my tongue. 

As I sit still

to write these words, 

nobody knows this. 

But they soon will.

Why not have a go at writing, or encouraging others to write, a poem using 'Nobody knows this' as a prompt? The ideas could be as meaningful, metaphorical, profound or as playfully silly as you like! Perhaps start by exploring some possible ideas as a class. Ideas might be along the following lines:

- nobody knows this, but when I smile I'm really sad
- nobody knows this, but my dad turns into a dinosaur at night time
- nobody knows this, but I can fly
- nobody knows this, but I am actually a spy

If anyone has any ideas, or would like to contribute a poem using this theme, please do get in touch (either by email or using the comments section below) and I would be delighted to add your poem to this blog post! Here are some examples sent in so far by by fab poets:

Misunderstood by Philip Waddell

When they tell me to behave
And ask me crossly, ‘Why?’
And, hands on hips, they roll their eyes,
Nobody knows I try.

When they jab their fingers
Snapping, ‘Look me in the eye!’
And threaten me with this or that,
Nobody knows I try.

When, exasperated,
They shake their heads and sigh
And swear they’ll give me, ‘ONE LAST CHANCE,’
Nobody knows I try.

And when I’m in detention
Staring outside at the sky
I really cannot understand
Why nobody knows I try.

Ten Things Nobody Knows by Philip Waddell

Nobody knows when the earth will quake
Nobody knows how to cure heartache
Nobody knows what the great whales sing
Nobody knows what next year will bring
Nobody knows, quite, how birds migrate
Nobody knows what will be their fate
Nobody knows what their God intends
Nobody knows who’ll be lifelong friends
Nobody knows what made Einstein shine
Nobody knows much of Auld Lang Syne

Nobody Knows by Liz Brownlee

Nobody knows this

not the friend

that didn’t come

to play yesterday

that didn’t share

the chocolate

I didn’t have

or play the Xbox

I’ve never owned.

Not the friend

I don’t have

in the playground

that doesn’t come

to help when

bullies taunt or push

or call me names

not the friend

I dream of in my sleep

the one who doesn’t

take my lunch

or shares a joke

instead of making

jokes of me

and of my family

nobody knows this

but I am seldom

here at all, not

in the playground

nor classroom

corridor or hall,

on the bus or street

I am nowhere

no one knows

I am nobody

think nothing

know nothing

no one knows

I am nobody at all.

ADVICE POEMS & WORKSHOP IDEA

Here are a selection of poems, all based on the idea of giving advice to someone. Having read Bukowski's poem, I wrote my own version, and encouraged some of my students to do the same. Have a read of the poems, then have some fun writing your own versions!

Friendly advice to a lot of young men by Charles Bukowski

Go to Tibet.

Ride a camel.

Read the Bible.

Dye your shoes blue.

Grow a Beard.

Circle the world in a paper canoe.

Subscribe to “The Saturday Evening Post.”

Chew on the left side of your mouth only.

Marry a woman with one leg and shave with a straight razor.

And carve your name in her arm.

Brush your teeth with gasoline.

Sleep all day and climb trees at night.

Hold your head under water and play the violin.

Do a belly dance before pink candles.

Kill your dog.

Run for Mayor.

Live in a barrel.

Break your head with a hatchet.

Plant tulips in the rain.

But don’t write poetry.

Friendly Advice to a Lot of Old Men by Joshua Seigal

Sit in a chair

Dribble

Talk of the ‘good old days’

Wear cardigans and slippers

Pull your trousers up too high

Keep your glasses on a little string round your neck

Claim that music nowadays is ‘just noise’

Repeat yourself

Talk of the ‘good old days’

Forget things

Repeat yourself

Talk of the ‘good old days’

Insist your vegetables are boiled for a long time

Turn the TV up too loudly

Go to bed at 8am

Let your dentures hang out your mouth

Suck Worther’s Originals

Wave your walking stick at people

Get a hip replacement

But don’t try to be hip.

Advice to Parents by Marukh (Year 8)

Don’t force your children to do something

Don’t hit them badly

Give them pocket money if they want

Help them grow up to do something for their future

Don’t come to collect them from school in a chicken suit

Don’t follow me on Instagram

Don’t share my baby pictures with strangers

But do get me some sweets.

Advice to Josh by Laila (Year 9)

Stop wearing glasses and man up

Get a new phone – something that isn’t a Nokia

Let Laila off when she does something wrong

Get some new trainers and a decent haircut

Don’t wear 80s clothes

And get cool!

No offense Josh.

Challenge: can you write your own advice poems? You might want to write a poem giving advice to any of the following:

- friends

- classmates

- teachers

- bullies

- celebrities

- politicians

WHOSE POEM IS IT?

A sentiment I have expressed before on my blog is this: it can sometimes be hard, when writing a post, to navigate between two different impulses. The first is to post material that reflects me in a good light, and thus increases my prospects for future employment. (As a self-employed person this is always at the back of my mind.) The second is to post reflective pieces in which I examine my own practice and speak frankly about my perceived weaknesses. I'm hoping that this is not a true dichotomy. At any rate, in this post I'd like to highlight, if not a weakness, then an area of difficulty I encounter frequently in my work.

There are, broadly speaking, two different facets to my job: writing and educating. Within the 'education' bracket there are two further elements: teaching and performing. It is my view that a good deal of teaching is in fact a kind of performance. When I'm standing in front of a whole class, talking to them about poetry or just generally having a laugh, I feel very much like I am in 'performance' mode, not too dissimilar from when I am standing up in assembly or on stage reciting my poems and telling silly jokes and stories. However, it is also true that parts of teaching require not a performance, but perhaps something with a greater level of authenticity or personal connection.

I am talking here about the times, during a workshop, when a student will ask me for one-to-one help. I feel that, at this stage of my career, I have pretty much got the performance side of my work nailed. I feel confident standing up in front of almost any group, of any size, and talking for up to an hour. This could constitute pure entertainment (I didn't distinguish above between educating and entertaining, and I am not sure there is a clear distinction in the first place), or it could involve what is known in educational circles as 'direct instruction', which is when a teacher directly expounds and demonstrates the material to the class. What I currently find much more challenging, however, is assisting and dealing with students on a personal basis. We might say that I am (currently) more comfortable as a lecturer than as a tutor.

My relative hesitancy when dealing with students on a one-to-one basis arises from a couple of factors. The first is that, despite professional appearances to the contrary, I am something of an introvert in my social life. In this sense, my performances may be functioning as a kind of screen from my true self, rather than a representation of it. However I think this is only partly true; I like to think of my performances as depictions of my ideal self, the self that I wish I could be 'in real life', when I step away from the stage and into the maw of everyday human interaction.

The second factor that sometimes renders one-to-one work difficult for me is something that I'd love to know if other poet-educators can relate to, and can be summed up by the titular question: 'whose poem is it?' Often what will happen is that a student will put their hand up and say either "I'm stuck" or "I'm finished", when the poem they are writing is manifestly incomplete. At this point it is quite easy to provide a checklist of poetic techniques - metaphor, simile, alliteration, personification - and to ask the student simply to make sure the poem contains a certain number of these. If the aim of the workshop is to explore and introduce students to these very techniques then this approach might suffice. However, it is a somewhat formulaic approach and often goes against the grain of the poetic endeavour, which is to write from the heart and not from a set of tick-boxes, as though we were assembling furniture.

The crux of the problem is that, when a student tells me that they are unsure how or whether to continue a poem, I can often see how their poem might be improved, how a better metaphor or simile might be found or how a better ending could be constructed. However, isn't the purpose of a poetry workshop to enable them to see how a poem could be improved? This, surely, should be the aim of the 'direct instruction' I mentioned above, and it is why during my workshops I try to include some elements where I 'model' poetry writing for the class. But we are not talking about the class here; we are talking about an individual student who needs help or advice. At this stage I am often simply unsure what to do, beyond the aforementioned tick-box exercise.

If I had a sustained amount of time working with an individual student, there are several things I might do. I would ask the student what they want to achieve with their poem, who the intended readership or audience might be and what emotions or feelings they want to convey. I would also bring in a range of poetry written by other poets, that we might explore and discuss together. But during a workshop with a class there is simply not the time or space for this. And furthermore, the kinds of students who put their hands up and ask for help are often not the students who particularly want to be in the room writing poetry in the first place. They might simply be looking for easy answers so that they can get the whole damn thing over with.

I do not have the answers here. I hope that I continue to do my job for many more years to come, and that during this time I continue to reflect on my practice and to come up with ideas for how to assist students on an individual basis.

ADVICE FOR FREELANCE ARTISTS

A couple of years ago I listened to a speech on the radio by Neil Gaiman. I cannot remember which particular speech it was, but within it Gaiman expounded a really powerful set of principles for freelance artists. Ever since I heard Gaiman's talk, I have tried to shape my working life according to these principles, and what follows is a brief overview of the points, as I understand them. I hope other freelance artists find them helpful.

(1) Make Good Art

This is the obvious bedrock of any freelance artist's endeavours; without making good art you are unlikely to get much work. Therefore, concentrating one's efforts in this direction is paramount: always try to make good art, and constantly try to improve upon your previous output.

(2) Be Reliable

Some freelance artists seem to think that being reliable is merely an incidental part of the job. It is not. Things like replying to emails, arriving at places punctually, organising one's diary and finances are not just crucial to being a freelance artist, they are part of the very job itself. I myself am unable to relax unless I feel my admin is in perfect order.

(3) Be Likeable

This is somewhat more nebulous than the previous two points, but I think it is no less crucial. Always try to behave like a nice person. If you are having a conversation with someone at a networking event, for example, don't constantly look over their shoulder to see if someone better is in the room. Be polite and personable. Say 'please' and 'thank you'. Don't be a diva. Don't be a jerk.

In my working life I try really hard to adhere to each of the three principles above. However, the main take-home point I got from Gaiman's talk was that, so long as you try to adhere to all of the principles, failure in any one of them (so long it is only one) will not be disastrous. For example, if you are reliable and likeable, employers might forgive the fact that your art isn't necessarily the best. Similarly, if you make good art and are highly reliable, it may not be the end of the world if you aren't always the politest and friendliest of people. And if you make good art and are highly likeable, a few missed emails or other lapses in reliability might well be forgiven.

Main Point

The main point, as I see it, is this. In the life of a freelance artist, it is important to try to adhere to all of the three principles above. So long as you try your hardest in this endeavour, there is room for a little bit of leeway (but only a little bit.)