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Monday, 7 September 2020


My liver doesn’t like you

My ventricles are telling you to get lost

The blood running through my veins thinks the T-shirt

you are wearing is crap 

My tendons will steal your girlfriend 

My stomach lining sends vindictive tweets about you

My prostate gland said your mum is a bitch

Some of my cartilage is mildly racist

My skin nabbed twenty quid from your wallet the other day

My hair turns up at parties with an obnoxiously cheap bottle of wine

and is then sick on your carpet

My fingernails spread rumours about what you did

on holiday in Mykonos 

My appendix has been using your Netflix account on the sly

My gallbladder poisoned your cat

My scrotal sac is a total git 

But I don’t have a nasty bone in my body.

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