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Friday, 1 May 2020


Mr Scott Williams, a teacher at Catton Grove Primary, got in touch recently with a batch of poems his pupils have written. The poems are based on my poem 'Would You Rather?'. If you want to read this poem you will have to buy my book I Bet I Can Make You Laugh, which was the recent winner of the 2020 Laugh Out Loud Book Award. Anyway, it is my pleasure to be able to share these fantabulustic poems!

Amer’s innovation:

Would You Rather…

Eat everyday 10 kg of banana
Or live forever in Ghana?

Go back tomorrow to school
Or stay at home and be a fool?

Live in a shed forever
Or don't be clever?

Never change your socks anymore
Or eat your dinner from the floor?

Be a bug
Or everyday give a pig a hug?

Home school for an hour a day
Or eat pizza everyday?

Ethan’s poem:

Would you rather:

Stay awake for a year
Or sleep on a log?
Eat a baboon
Or fart on a frog?

Lick a cactus
Or live off coffee?
Only eat lettuce
Or survive on toffee?

Live on a ship
Or fly to the moon?
Not hear again
Or listen to the same tune?

Swim for a month
Or go to the fair?
Lay in ants
Or hug a bear?

Malak’s poem:

Would you rather…
a seagull poop on your head

Or swoop in and nick your 99?

Be a living statue for a day

Or for 24 hours be a mime?

Kiss a blob fish

Or sleep with a naked mole rat?

Have a break

Or have a kitkat?


Or do the bleep test?

Pee in a swimming pool

Or fart in front of a guest?

climb Mount Everest in a hotdog costume
Or walk along the Great Wall of China singing ‘Don’t stop me now’?

Have a rabbit drop something with a scent on your bed

Or Be patted on the head by a cow?

wait for your delivery from amazon

Or hear this poem go
On and on
And on and on
And on and on.

Leyton’s poem:

Would you rather..

Cuddle a tiger
Or ride on a lion?
Pounce at prey
Or lay there crying?

Play with a hedgehog
Or stand with ants ?
Roll in mud
Or stink like pants?

Fly like an eagle
Or own a pet lizard?
Shave all your hair
Or have a blizzard?

Never go to school
Or always eat fish?

Vilte’s poem:

Would you rather…

Skydive off a helicopter

Or bungee jump off a plane?

Never eat sweets

Or go to school again and again?

Go to the future

Or go to the past?

Sit at home all-day

Or go to school and have a blast?

Get eaten by a chicken

Or be a piece of cheese?

Be friends with a snake
Or be chased by a swarm of bees?
Sleep in water
Or live on a dish?

Twirl round and round
As you count up to ten,
Or hear this poem
Again and again
And again and again
And again and again?

Mrs McDowall's poem!

Have hair like spaghetti
Or a face like Rooney.
Drive your mum crazy
Running around like a looney.

Clean your teeth
With a wire brush
Chew on your food
Till your gums turn to mush.

Dance with a giraffe
Or fight a gorilla
Have a massage
Or get face filler.

Go for a walk
With nothing to wear
Run for shelter
When people point and stare.

And Stare, And stare, And stare.

Fagin's Poem (below)

Julia's Poem (below)

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