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Sunday, 29 September 2019

ON LEAVING A SELF-HELP BOOK IN THE SCHOOL STAFF ROOM

I left a book in the staff room. 
Not just any book either; it was
a self-help guide for anxiety. It was
something to fill in the cracks
of the day, a flicker of a bulb
to help guide the way, but I worried
that this part of me that I’d left behind
didn’t display my most admirable side.
Would the teachers who found it
know that it was mine? And did this mean
that they would think twice
before inviting me back next time?
Would they peak through it
and see the bits I’d underlined,
highlighting the areas where
my problems reside?
I felt like what I’d left was something akin
to a naked picture, my bits
dangling for all to see -- 
a stark image
of a distorted me.

Of course I could have denied
that it was my book. Or I could
have hoped that no one would notice
or look. I could have not gone back 
to claim it, leaving everyone wondering
which member of staff it was with issues,
who wasn’t quite right in the head,
who was fit for the funny farm.
I wondered if it might cause alarm
that I was seriously ill, and that
even though we’re generally better
than we were at mental health, 
I was still not to be trusted with kids.

So I hunched into myself outside the door
as creatures debated inside my head,
weighing up whether to go back in,
my mind a see-saw, when suddenly
that bulb again: I saw
that if I can’t be myself 
then who can I be?
If I can’t be myself then what’s the point
of all the poetry?
What’s the point in helping others
find their voice when my own cowers
in the shadows? Why blunt the teeth
of my tiger while the other ones roar?
What is it all for?
And before anything else,
behind the labels ‘poet’, ‘entertainer’, 
‘workshop leader’, there is a more
fundamental reality: I am a human,
with all that that entails.
Sometimes strong and sometimes frail.
I needed to break out
of this jail and not run away
from who I really am.

As a bush is to thorns,
as a rainbow is to rain,
as a sprawling metropolis is
to its grimy backstreets
so are we to our weaknesses.
As a ladder is to the gaps
between its slats, 
so are we to our flaws.
I did go in to get the book, 
shoulders held back, 
spine as straight as I could make it, 
and if there’s one thing to take from it
I would say this:
Whatever you’ve left behind,
unloved and untamed, 
go and claim it. 
Let others read the book
of who you truly are, 
see the scribbles in the margins
and the places where the pages
have been folded down.
Let your bits hang down for all to see.
Let your world be scribbled on
by the poetry of reality.
Let others think and say
whatever they want
as you leave your books
in staff rooms, classrooms, 
meeting halls, offices,
bars, pubs and streets.

Your word is your world.
Let them read.

3 comments:

  1. My names is Cathy i want to testify about the great spell caster called Priest Ade my husband and i have been married for 5 years now we don't have a child and the doctor told us i can't give birth because my womb have been damaged due to wrong drugs prescription this got me so worried and my husband was not happy so he decided to get married to another girl and divorce me i was so sad i told my friend about it she told me about a powerful spell caster she gave me his email address well i never believe in it that much though i just decided to give him a try and he told me it will take 24hrs to get my husband back to me and i will get pregnant i doubted him the 3rd day my husband came back to me and was crying he said he didn't want the divorce anymore 3 weeks after the doctor confirmed that i was pregnant he can also help you contact him at
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    My names is Cathy i want to testify about the great spell caster called Priest Ade my husband and i have been married for 5 years now we don't have a child and the doctor told us i can't give birth because my womb have been damaged due to wrong drugs prescription this got me so worried and my husband was not happy so he decided to get married to another girl and divorce me i was so sad i told my friend about it she told me about a powerful spell caster she gave me his email address well i never believe in it that much though i just decided to give him a try and he told me it will take 24hrs to get my husband back to me and i will get pregnant i doubted him the 3rd day my husband came back to me and was crying he said he didn't want the divorce anymore 3 weeks after the doctor confirmed that i was pregnant he can also help you contact him at
    ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com 
    https://ancientspiritspellcast12.wordpress.com

    Blog: http://ancientspiritspell.blogspot.com

    Website http://ancientspiritspellcast.website2.me
    WhatsApp +2347059715465     







    My names is Cathy i want to testify about the great spell caster called Priest Ade my husband and i have been married for 5 years now we don't have a child and the doctor told us i can't give birth because my womb have been damaged due to wrong drugs prescription this got me so worried and my husband was not happy so he decided to get married to another girl and divorce me i was so sad i told my friend about it she told me about a powerful spell caster she gave me his email address well i never believe in it that much though i just decided to give him a try and he told me it will take 24hrs to get my husband back to me and i will get pregnant i doubted him the 3rd day my husband came back to me and was crying he said he didn't want the divorce anymore 3 weeks after the doctor confirmed that i was pregnant he can also help you contact him at
    ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com 
    https://ancientspiritspellcast12.wordpress.com

    Blog: http://ancientspiritspell.blogspot.com

    Website http://ancientspiritspellcast.website2.me
    WhatsApp +2347059715465     

    ReplyDelete
  2. A GREAT SPELL CASTER (DR.MICHAEL) THAT HELPME GET MY EX HUSBAND BACK, AM SO HAPPYMy name is mrs lissa from USA .I am here togive testimony on how I got my husband back.My husband left me for no reason 3 years ago.He moved in with another woman, I felt likekilling myself, my life became very bitter andsorrowful. Then 1 day, a friend of mine told meabout a great spell caster that is very good and,he said he gave him some lucky numbers that heplayed in a lottery and he won. I didn't believe itbecause I've worked with so many of them and itdidn't work. He begged me further so I decidedto try this great spell caster called DR MICHAEL  Istill didn't believe. I used the spell he gave meand the next day I received a call from mydarling husband Thomas last month. Heapologized and came back to me. He even gaveme 10,000USD as a means of compensating me.I'm very happy now. please i will advise you to contact himnow and see for your self his Email is via____drmichaelspellcaster@gmail.com or whatsapp himthrough the following contact on +2348139206346

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    ReplyDelete
  3. A GREAT SPELL CASTER (DR.MICHAEL) THAT HELPME GET MY EX HUSBAND BACK, AM SO HAPPYMy name is mrs lissa from USA .I am here togive testimony on how I got my husband back.My husband left me for no reason 3 years ago.He moved in with another woman, I felt likekilling myself, my life became very bitter andsorrowful. Then 1 day, a friend of mine told meabout a great spell caster that is very good and,he said he gave him some lucky numbers that heplayed in a lottery and he won. I didn't believe itbecause I've worked with so many of them and itdidn't work. He begged me further so I decidedto try this great spell caster called DR MICHAEL  Istill didn't believe. I used the spell he gave meand the next day I received a call from mydarling husband Thomas last month. Heapologized and came back to me. He even gaveme 10,000USD as a means of compensating me.I'm very happy now. please i will advise you to contact himnow and see for your self his Email is via____drmichaelspellcaster@gmail.com or whatsapp himthrough the following contact on +2348139206346

    Dr.MICHAEL also cures:1. HEPATITIS A,B,C2. HERPES 1/23.DIABETES4.STROKE.5.AIDS HERBAL CURE, STDS and STI6. MA TAL PROBLEM10.MAGIC MONEY SPELLS RRIAGE COUNSELLING7.LOVE SPELL CASTING8.JOB PROMOTI10.MAGIC MONEY SPELLS ON SPELLS9.MARITAL PROBLEM10.MAGIC MONEY SPELLS

    ReplyDelete