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Thursday, 18 February 2016

(ADULT) COMEDY POEM - HE'S A SPACE INVADER

He’s a Space Invader

He’s a space invader
A proxemical raider
Better drop him quickly like a hot potato
A whole bus free and he sits next to you
You can feel his breath as you stand in a queue
You’re flecked with spittle whenever he speaks
You feel a little brittle as your patience creaks

He’s space attacker
A territory hacker
Better smack him swiftly in the knackers
He’s the sleazy geezer with the drunken squeeze
You’re on the train and he’s touching your knees
He makes you sick with his icky shtick
Hanging with this wang is no picnic

He’s a space intruder
A nuisance-exuder
He’s the guy from accounts by the water cooler
You’re chatting at a party and he’s getting farty
He corners you in boredom with his ‘arty’ repartee
Regaling you with tales of the book that he’s writing
You’re giving him a look like you want to bite him

He’s a lurking monstrosity
Run with velocity
His nose is too close to your physiognomy
You’re on the tube and he’s eyeing your Metro
He’s more of a prick than a thorny hedgerow
He’s all in your face, he’s a graceless case
As he pitches a flag in your personal space

He’s a space assailant
A nasty ailment
He’s the Lionel Messi of social derailment
He’s the bloke on coke with the shitty joke
And less charisma than an artichoke
He’s like ebola at an orgy
He’ll chase you away like Georie Porgie

He’s an etiquette-evader
A fun-blockader
Better watch out

He’s a SPACE INVADER!

Image result for too close on tube

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